The Werewolf and the Dog Star
by 70 inc
Summary: When Remus's second biggest secert is found out, what is a poor dog to do? rated T to be safe. its my first fanfiction. and a SLASH warning SBRL pairing with some LEJP and lonely ole Peter
1. Chapter 1: Wake up call

**The Werewolf and the Dog Star**

**By 70inc**

Chapter one: Wake-up call

Remus Lupin gave a great sigh as he shut his text book. He stood up and stretched his tired muscles. He shot a look at the clock on the mantel above the fire place in the Gryffindor common room. It was a little after midnight.

Remus gave another sigh. He pinched the bridge of his nose and ran a hand over his face and through his near shoulder-length golden hair. He tried to get his blurry eyes to focus as he stumbled toward the stairs that lead to the boys' dormitory.

He made it up the stairs and to his bed without incident though he was half-blinded by exhaustion and overuse of his eyes. Remus had once again got himself wrapped up in a book and lost track of time.

This was becoming more and more of a common occurrence. He shook his head as he began to change. He froze as he was about to remove his trousers when a voice spoke out from behind the curtains of the bed across from his own.

"That you Moony?" Sirius Black murmured his words slurred with sleep. Remus couldn't help the small smile. This to, was a common occurrence. No matter how quite he tried to be when slipping into the dormitory late at night, Sirius was always aware of when Remus entered.

_Must be his canine instincts,_ Remus thought to himself.

"Yes it's me," he whispered to his friend.

"whatta you doin' up so late?" he asked, the same question he always asked.

"Studying, you know that," Remus said giving his standard reply.

"Ok, G'nite," he said as he shifted his position, "mm…love you,"

Remus's heart jumped at the last comment.

"I love you too," he whispered back and was met with the slow and even breathing that told him Sirius had fallen asleep again.

Remus shook his head and finished getting into his pajamas and climbed into bed. His mind on those last words spoken by his fellow Marauder.

Though the Marauders had a reputation of being hardcore trouble makers they still let each other know how much they cared. Usually it was attached to a joke and made lighthearted but the sentiment was the same none the less.

But to Remus those three words (four with the added 'too') meant something different. Yes he did love his friends, but with Sirius it was so much more. Remus was _in_ love with Sirius and hearing those words nearly tore him apart.

It wasn't that Remus was gay because he wasn't. He did still find females attractive and liked their …female parts opposed to males. Nor was he bisexual. He has never been attracted to any other males (except for an incident that involved mistletoe and a poor love spell), but with Sirius it was different. Everything was always different with him. Rules never seemed to apply to him and even if they did he would probably ignore them anyways, like he always did.

If Remus was to think about it he would have to say that he fell in love with Sirius the first time he met him.

_It was ten o'clock at King's crossing and eleven year old Remus Lupin was saying good-bye to his parents on platform nine and three quarters. His mother gave his a quick peck on the cheek and a hug and his father clapped him on the back. _

"_You be good and have fun," they both said and turned and disappeared through the barrier leaving Remus all alone. He had than made his way onto the scarlet Hogwarts Express and found an empty compartment. He pulled a book out of his trunk and was instantly whisked away._

_Next thing he knew the door to his compartment was being pushed back and he was being asked if the other seats in the compartment were occupied._

_The speaker was a boy with extremely messy black hair and bright hazel eyes behind a pair of glasses. Next to him was another boy who was much shorter than the first and had mousey brown hair, dull brown eyes and kind of resembled a rat._

_Remus had informed them that the other seats were in fact free and that they were welcomed to join him, which they did. The boys both came into the compartment introducing themselves before sitting across form him._

_The black haired boy was James Potter and the other was Peter Pettigrew. Behind them was another boy he hadn't seen before. This boy had longish black hair(then it went to his nose and now it hung nicely at his shoulders) and grey eyes that glittered (with mischief Remus later found out) his name was Sirius Black and he was about the same height as James and Remus._

_He took the seat next to Remus and the three boys began to talk. Thinking that they were all old friends and found it best not to eavesdrop or insinuate himself into their conversation Remus returned to his book. _

_A few minuets later Remus realized that someone was looking at him. He looked up and his amber eyes immediately connected to Sirius's. A jolt went through the boy but he quickly brushed it off._

_Sirius continued to stare at him and Remus stared back. Then he did something that only Sirius could and can make him do. He closed his book and put it away._

_Remus wasn't quite sure what happened after that. All he knew was that he and the other three boys talked and laughed all the way to Hogwarts and that a legendary friendship was forged. Remus also learned that the three boys had met on the platform and it was by chance that they formed a friendship._

_Remus had never been one to believe in fate seeing as it dealt him a pretty crappy hand but he couldn't deny that this was something special._

Remus slipped off to sleep with the memories of that fateful train ride going through his mind.

Sirius Black cautiously made his way across the boys' dormitory. It was 9 o'clock on a Sunday morning and the only other occupant in the room was the soundly sleeping werewolf.

As he crept closer he watched the smaller boy shift out of a deep sleep into a light doze. With a mischievous smile, he pounced.

Remus Lupin was wretched out of his dreams as something or rather some_one_ leapt on him. He opened his eyes and groaned at the sudden light stung them. He looked up into the smiling face of his friend.

"What the bloody hell do you think your doing!" he yelled at the boy who was straddling his body. His anger proved a nice distraction form that fact.

"Just a little wake up call," Sirius said cheerily, "James and Peter are at breakfast." He said explaining the empty room.

"Well I'm up. Now get OFF!" he said giving the other boy the chance to get off him before he had to remove him.

"Aw c'mon my ickle Moonykins. I wanna play." He said and gave a growl. The wolf in Remus picked up his ears at the sound. It was a challenge, and the wolf wasn't going to back down from the challenge.

Responding with a growl of his own Moony pushed the other boy and the pair rolled off the bed onto the floor.

"You sure you wanna do this Paddywaddy?' He asked in a baby voice to the boy beneath him. Padfoot just gave a growl in response and the two proceeded to "play".

Down in the common room one Lily Evans had already been down to breakfast. At the moment she was sitting in her favorite chair by the fire reading a book, while a pair of first years was playing Exploding Snaps.

She heard some odd noises coming from the boys' dormitory but then again it is a boys' dorm and Merlin knows what might be living in there. Shrugging it off she continued with her book.

Suddenly a loud yelp echoed through the common room, followed by a loud explosion as the two boys jumped at the sound and sent their cards flying (and exploding) in all directions. Lily was up and out of her seat before you could say 'Quidditch' though she hated the sport, and it would be best not to say it around her.

She knew the sound came from the boys' room. With wand at the ready she sprinted up the stairs and busted into the room. Her eyes widen at the spectacle before her.


	2. Chapter 2: Trip to the infirmary

Chapter two: trip to the infirmary

The sight that met Lily was one she had only seen in a muggle cartoon, where two dogs or other characters got into a fight. It was a mess of heads, legs and arms flailing around the pair. All that was missing were the dust, stars and cheesy sound effects but they would have been drowned out by the loud growls, howls and barks.

If Lily didn't know any better she would have thought she was indeed looking at a dog fight. And there's only one way to break up a dog fight. She said a quick spell and a jet of freezing water shot out of the end of her wand and dowsed both boys causing them to give a small scream in surprise and leap apart.

Lily gasped at the two friends. They were panting like a pair of dogs, were soaking wet and bleeding. Each were covered it marks from bites and scratches. Their trousers were sporting new holes and their shirts were nothing but tatters.

Though they both looked horrible Lily would have to say Sirius looked the worst, apparently Remus was winning the fight.

She shook her head and put her hands on her hips.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" She shouted at the two Marauders, in her best prefect voice. She smiled inwardly as the two flinched. Sirius was the first to recover.

"What the bloody hell is the matter with you, Evans? Look at my poor hair" Sirius pouted as he ran his hand through his soggy hair.

"Sorry Lily, we were just messing around," Remus said hurriedly to cover up Sirius's comment.

"Just messing around," she repeated incredulously. "Just MESSING AROUND!" she shouted. She seemed to pause to take deep calming breaths before continuing.

"Would you look at yourselves?" she said pointing out their injuries.

"What can I say? We're kinky," Sirius said giving her a cheeky smile. Remus couldn't help the small chuckle. Lily turned her burning gaze from Sirius and settled it on Remus.

"Remus what do you have to say for yourself?" she asked sounding like a mother hen. Remus blanched as her glare intensified.

"We were just playing around. I promise." He said holding up his hands to defend himself. It looks could kill. "I guess I just lost control." He added quietly rubbing the back of his neck nervously and looking down at his bare feet.

"You WHAT!" she screeched. "YOU LOST CONTROL!" she paused again.

"Remus…" she started in a strained calm voice. "You know you can't just lose control. It's dangerous. I mean look at Black. What if I hadn't come in when I did? You could kill someone if you just lose control." She said in a rush not really knowing what she was saying.

As a look of hurt fled across the fair Gryffindor's face Lily registered what she had just said. She let out a gasp and put a hand over her mouth. She removed it and began to stammer.

"Oh…Oh Remus I…I didn't…I didn't mean-"she started to say but was interrupted.

"No Lily, you said exactly what you meant." Remus said the look of hurt was replaced by a cold and distant one. Both Sirius and Lily were shocked by Remus's icy tone. They had never seen him talk to anyone that way. Not even to Snape.

Sirius quickly looked away from his now stony friend to the red-haired girl. He let out a low growl and opened his mouth to tell the girl exactly what he thought of her but was stopped when Remus put a hand on his shoulder.

"If you'll excuse us we should be off to the infirmary." He said still with a frigid manner. Lily's eyes welled-up with tears and she put a hand over her mouth again as Remus steered Sirius to the door and the two pushed past her.

She shuddered as Remus shouldered past her. She could feel the coldness of his attitude surround him and it felt like touching dry ice with your bare hands. It hurt.

As the two boys left the room and headed down the stairs Sirius, being the jokester that he is tried to lighten the mood.

"Well I guess we should make it look like we are mad at each other. Y'know so no one gets suspicious."

"Ok" Remus agreed as they came off the stairs and into the common room. He gave Sirius a hard sideways push that sent him clear across the room to land even harder on the ground

Shocked, Sirius stumbled to his feet and followed the werewolf out of the port hole. Once in the hall he took a running start and leapt onto his friend's back. The added weight took Remus by surprise and the pair almost went tumbling to the ground.

"Sirius what are you doing?" he asked the boy on his back, once he regained his footing. "Get off,"

"I'm weak I need to be carried," Sirius replied in his most pathetic voice. "Look you did a number on me…please Moony," he said and Remus could hear the pout in his voice.

"Fine," Remus sighed in defeat. He knew that he would give in eventually anyway and really didn't feel much like fighting anymore.

Placing his hands on the back of Sirius's thighs to keep him steady he headed off toward the infirmary.

"Hmmm," Sirius murmured on Remus's back between deep breaths.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked.

"Your hair," Sirius replied still breathing deep." Smells so good," he said as he exhaled. "Like lemons." Then he began to nuzzle it.

"Now what are you doing?"

"It's so soft," Sirius said running his cheek over Remus's fair hair.

"Stop it," Remus said trying to swat the boy.

"Oh Come one Remmy nuzzle, nuzzle you know nuzzle, nuzzle that you like it. nuzzle"

"No I don't it's weird."

nuzzle

"Sirius stop"

nuzzle

"I mean it"

nuzzle

"I am serious" Remus said in desperation. Sirius's nuzzling of his head was giving him tingly feelings and they were very distracting.

"If you're serious (Sirius) then I want to be James." The darker boy quipped from his back. He took on a slightly more childish voice. "I'm James, heehee. All I think breath and talk about is Lily. Lily Lily Lily Lily Lily Lily Quidditch Lily Lily Lily Lily Lily Lily." Remus gave a snort at that and glowed a little at Sirius's bitter tone.

He was happy that Sirius was upset with Lily on his behalf.

"Hmm, being James is boring and not even Pete wants to be Pete so I'll be you Remmie," Sirius said mischievously. "I'm Remus Lupin, a stodgy ol' prefect. I love books, chocolate, long walks on the beach, candle light dinner and my best mate Sirius Black." He said in a mock pompous tone.

Remus chuckled.

"Now how did you change from making fun of me to making me a personal ad?" Remus asked teasing his friend's acting abilities.

"Hmm I don't know but Merlin knows you need to get shagged." Sirius said not the least bit fazed. Remus was very glade that Sirius was behind him and couldn't see the blush that tinted his cheeks.

"Shut up," he replied and let go of Sirius's thighs. Instead of falling Sirius seemed to be anticipating this. He tightened his legs around Remus's waist and his arms around his neck.

"No no no, Remmy I'm sorry I didn't mean it. Please don't take your touch away." He said in a mock girl voice dripping with saccharine.

"Sirius I swear you're a puppy," he rolled his eyes and replace his hands. Sirius cuddled up against him and went back to nuzzling his head.

"Oi Moony," James called as he and Peter left the Great Hall which the pair was now passing on their way to the hospital wing.

"Hey Prongsie and Wormtail," Sirius called from Remus's back. James looked behind Remus and saw Sirius.

"What are you doing on Moony's back Padfoot?" Peter asked.

"We got a little carried away," Remus answered the same time Sirius said

"Moony tried to eat me again,"

"You guys off to the hospital wing?" James asked. Remus nodded.

"We'll come with." The four Marauders' set off again. After a while of silence James noticed Sirius nuzzling Remus's head.

"Padfoot, what are you doing?" he asked.

"Moony's hair is so soft. Come on, feel it." He said. James gave him a weird look and turned to Remus.

"He hasn't stopped since we left the tower," Remus explained. James nodded. He knew what a nutter Sirius could be. He lifted a hand and stroked Remus's hair.

"Oh you're right Padfoot. His hair is soft." James said as he continued to stork Remus's fair hair. Peter looked at his friends like they were crazy but his motto is "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" and he knew he couldn't beat them. So he joined in the stroking of Remus's hair.

Remus gritted his teeth as his three friends stroked his hair until they came to the infirmary doors. They walked in to the white and sterile room. Remus backed up to a bed where Sirius slid off his back. He sat next to him.

"Peter go get Pomfrey," James told the small boy who shuffled away obediently. James looked at his too friends assessing their injuries. "Hmm not so bad." He chuckled.

"Remember the first time you tried to wake Moony up that way?" James asked. Sirius got a wide grin on his face as he did indeed remember.

"Yeah, he nearly tore out my throat." he said.

"Hey, you got what you deserved," Remus said defending himself.

"That was back in our first year. Before we knew about your 'furry little problem'" James said. The three friends were interrupted by a loud shriek.

"WHAT IN HEAVEN'S NAME HAPPENED!" Madame Pomfrey exclaimed as she entered the room.

"Sounds likes Prongs's girlfriend," Sirius said bitterly. James shot him a curious look, but James didn't get a chance to ask what he meant.

"We…uh…were messing around…" Remus said not meeting the mediwitch's eyes. She just clucked her tongue and told them to remove their "shirts".

"Well most of these are pretty shallow and should heal nicely but the others are rather deep and there will be some light scarring." She said pulling out her wand.

Remus just shrugged what's another scar to him? His torso and limbs are already covered in them. Sirius however let out a noise of outrage.

"What? Scars? I can't have scars, what will they do to my perfect body?" he whined.

"Oh come on Padfoot. Think of all the wicked stories you can tell the girls about where they came from," James supplied and Remus turned a nice shade of pink.

Sirius broke out into a smile at James's comment.

"Yeah, ok."

Madame Pomfrey quickly healed both boys and sent them on their way.


	3. Chapter 3:Truth be told

Chapter three: truth be told

By dinner that evening James and Sirius were no longer talking. Sirius claimed that their friendship has been terminated and that the name 'James' is the most vile word ever. And to speak it in his presence was the utmost act of treason.

After the visit to the hospital wing James remembered Sirius's comment about Lily. He had asked the dark-haired boy what he had meant and Sirius exploded.

"Oh…oh I'll tell you what I meant." Sirius snarled plopping down on the couch next to Remus who was already engrossed in a book. "She broke up our fight this morning," he said throwing his hands into the air.

James looked at him disbelieving.

"And that's why you're so upset? Because she broke up your fight?" he asked staring at his friend.

"Yes…No!" Sirius cried, he took a deep breath, "that's not it James. It's what she did when she broke it up. Remus told her he had lost control and she went all into lecture mode.

She told him he couldn't lose control and that he was dangerous-"

"No she said _it _was dangerous." Remus interjected without looking up from his book Sirius rolled his eyes and continued.

"Whatever. Then she started saying that he could kill someone and 'what would happen if she hadn't come along'" Sirius grumbled trying to keep his anger in check.

James's mouth hung open.

"She couldn't have known about Remus's…furry little problem." Peter said confused.

"Yeah, there's no way she knew what she was saying," James added crossing his arms and glaring.

"Actually she knows," Remus said looking up. All three of his friends were looking at him opened mouthed. "What? Oh come on you guys. Despite your best efforts to forget that I am indeed a prefect I still am and so is Lily. You don't honestly think she would not notice I was skipping out on prefect duty every full moon. She cornered me and asked and I told her."

Remus said returning his gaze back to his book but he was no longer reading it.

"So see! She did know what she meant! And she…she UGH!" Sirius was so upset he couldn't even find the words.

"Oh come on Sirius. Lily must've made a mistake." James said rolling his eyes at his overdramatic friend.

"Why do you do that? Why do you always defend Lily? She just insulted one of your best mates and your still on her side!" Sirius cried in outrage. James opened his mouth to speak but Remus cut him off. He didn't like his friends fighting because of him.

"Sirius, James, stop it. She's right you know. I am dangerous and I think about it everyday. I worry about losing control. I know you can handle me Sirius but I still worry…" He told the other boys. "You know I…I think I need to go." He got up and left before any of them could call him back.

Remus spent the rest of the day in the deepest darkest corner of the library. He only came this far into the library when he wanted to be alone. The only one who was ever able to find him here was Sirius. Remus guessed that he could follow his sent as Remus could follow Sirius's. Also he knew that Sirius could sense his need to be alone hence why he had not come to find him even though the last time he had seen him was that morning and it was now close to dinner.

Remus left his sanctuary after his stomach practically screamed to be fed. He entered the already full Great Hall and took a seat next to Sirius who was stabbing at his food viciously. Across form them on the other side of the table was James, Lily and Peter.

Lily's eyes widen when Remus entered the room. She gave him a look of unease. The tension was nearly suffocating them. James was also stabbing at his mash potatoes imaging that Sirius's face was in the middle of them.

"Hello Sirius," he said to the boy next to him.

"Hiya Remmy," Sirius said easily slipping out of one mood to a much lighter one. James looked at Remus warily.

"Peter, James…Lily" he said giving each a curt nod. Lily let out a breath at the recognition.

"Hi Remus," she nearly gushed as Remus piled food onto his plate.

After a few moments of awkward silence broken only by the scrapping of the silverware over the plates Lily gathered up her courage.

"Uh…Remus do you think I can talk to you…privately?' she asked nervously.

"No Lily." He replied not looking up from his food. Lily's shoulders slumped at that. "I am calling a Marauder's meeting after dinner, your invited and we all will talk there." He announced and quickly shoveled his food into his mouth. Once his plate was clear he left the hall without another word followed closely by Sirius.

James, Peter and Lily entered the common room to find it empty save for Remus and Sirius who were conversing quietly on the couch. It seemed that Remus was trying to calm a very angry Sirius.

The three took their unassigned seats. On the couch was Remus against the arm, Sirius next to him. Peter sat on the floor with his back against the couch and James was in an armchair with Lily across his lap.

The quite of the common room was a little eerie and foreboding to Lily. She knew that the other kids were sure to clear out when the marauder's had a meeting. (Ever since one such meeting lead into a fist fight between James and Sirius and a couple of their housemates got caught in the crossfire.)

Remus and Sirius quieted down and Sirius crossed his arms and sat back into the couch. Obviously they had elected Remus to be the speaker.

"Ok I think we are all aware of why we are here." Remus said and was answered by a chorus of nods. "Sirius and I have decided that there are some truths that need to be told." He continued ignoring Sirius's scowl.

"But first I would like to say something. Lily, I understand that what you said – and don't say you didn't mean it because we have already been over that- because your concerned. But the thing is that you've only known about my secret for a year, and James, Peter and Sirius have been dealing with it for five years now and I have been living with it for a lot longer.

I think it is necessary to say that I have never lost control, when it was dangerous. There is still a lot about my 'situation' that you don't understand. And one of those things is that Sirius is more than capable of a …opponent in such…activities." He said. Lily looked confused. Remus sighed and turned to Sirius who nodded.

"What he is trying to say is that I am an Animagus." Sirius said and in true Sirius fashion not only told his secret but his friends' as well." James and Peter are too. I am a dog, James's a stag and Peter's a rat."

Lily looked at him blankly at first than seemed to be deep in thought. "Now your stupid nicknames make sense," she said and then her face began to redden. "Wait, are you saying that you guys have been Animagus and haven't told me? James! I'm your girlfriend!" she said turning on her boyfriend.

"I-I didn't know how to tell you with out telling you about y'know." He stammered.

"How did you learn to do this?" she demanded.

"We taught ourselves," Peter said with a note of pride. Lily seemed to swell with anger.

"WHAT!" She screamed. "So you're not registered, and I doubt McGonagall knows. Do you even know how dangerous that is! And illegal!" she said.

"We did it to help our friend Evans!" Sirius said angrily. Lily flinched at his harsh tone and use of her surname. Her cheeks turn a bright red in embarrassment at his words.

"Yes well…" she murmured.

"Anyway, I think that we should now put this whole thing behind us. I mean, now that all is out in the open." Remus said. His friends nodded. "Good, well I think I need some sleep,"

He got up and headed up to his dormitory. He could hear Lily reprimand James about how dangerous becoming and Animagus on his own was. He chuckled and entered the room and was soon off to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4: air quotes and potions

Chapter four: air quotes and potions

It has been a week since the 'incident' as it now has been dubbed. Everyone was friends again and all has been forgiven.

"Remus?"

"Yes, Peter?"

"What is Sirius doing?"

What in fact was Sirius doing? He was now talking about Quidditch with James (Lily had an important essay due and was in the library) after every other word Sirius would lift up his hands and flick his fingers.

"Ah, well turns out that dubbing the 'incident' the 'incident' has shown Sirius how much he loves air quotes." Remus smiled amused at his friend. Peter nodded but still looked rather confused.

By the end of the day Sirius was still expressing his love for air quotes.

"So "Moony" what "class" do we "have" next?" he asked.

"Potions. And if you don't stop doing air quotes I am going to hex your fingers off," Remus replied annoyed.

"You "know" you "won't "do that. "These" fingers "provide" too much "pleasure"," he smirked and Remus was too annoyed to blush at his innuendo.

"Good Morning, class," the potions master Professor Slughorn greeted them warmly. "Today we will be making the potion 'Euphoria' can anyone tell me what this potion does?' he smiled as Lily's hand shot up immediately.

"It is commonly known as the draught of happiness." She answered when he nodded at her. "It gives the drinker the feeling of being blindly and utterly happy."

"Excellent ten points to Gryffindor. Now who can tell me why someone would want to use this potion."

"It's a good reliever of stress, is particularly useful when a person is going through a hard time such as a death of a loved one and it also offers insights that the drinker would otherwise be unaware of." Snape was the one to answer.

"Exactly, ten points to Slytherin. What insights might this potion offer?"

"It gives off the aroma of what would make the maker perfectly happy. Also once it is drunk the drinker feels free to express themselves and to attempt to achieve their heart's desire." Lily said.

"Yes! Another ten points. Okay you will be working alone on this project. Who can tell me why that is?"

"Because the potion is based on its maker's heart's desire and would not come on properly if there were another maker involved. That is also why one cannot drink a potion like this that is made by someone else. It would have no effect. Everyone's heart's desire is different." Snape announced.

"Perfect! Another ten points to Slytherin as well," Slughorn beamed at the students. "Well let's get to work shall we?'

After an hour of work almost every cauldron in the room was sunshine yellow and emitting positively alluring smells. Remus's was near perfect and gave off the aroma of cinnamon, rain and something else, something that was just so Sirius. Remus knew that this was due to the fact that Sirius was his heart's desire.

As the first waves of the scent floated around his head he breathed deeply and closed his eyes.

He saw Sirius on his broomstick. Diving and weaving through the clouds. The wind dancing through his dark locks, His laughter ringing through the sky that belonged to no one but him. How Remus wished to be able to take part in Sirius's world up in the clouds. How Remus wished to a part of Sirius's life in that way.

Though they were best mates (not as close as him and James were of course) Remus always felt he was on the outside looking in. It wasn't just his lycanopathy. It was more. He knew that he and Sirius were connected in ways that exceed friendship. It was almost animalistic. Remus thought it was because they were both canines.

All he knew was that he wished Sirius could feel it too. But that would never happen. Sirius had his fan clubs and the world at his feet. He truly seemed to be the Dog Star. Unattainable, especially by a lone werewolf like himself. Sirius is so very much a part of the world above the earth as his namesake and Remus, it seemed, is and will always be eternally rooted to the ground.

Remus shook his head. He needed to stop thinking these depressing thoughts. He was half tempted to sneak a sip of the Euphoria potion but the consequences were too great. Remus opened his eyes and the immediately were looking into a pair of emerald green orbs that were dancing with amusement.

Lily was turned around in her chair. She was sitting in the desk in front of him.

'What?' He mouthed at her. She smirked at him and pulled her chair closer.

"Hmm," she said taking a deep breath of the pale yellow mist that was hanging around his cauldron. "That smells familiar."

"I have no idea what your talking about." he said crossing his arms and glaring at her. She knew damn well what it smelt like and why and he didn't appreciate her taunting him. "And what, dare I ask; does your potion smell like? A certain messy haired seeker?"

"Oh heavens no, it smells like chocolate cake," she said and they both chuckled.

"Oi, Moons," Sirius hissed at his friend. Remus who was still talking to Lily didn't hear him. He picked up a pickled newt's heart and chucked it at the werewolf's head. His Quidditch skills caused it to hit his mark perfectly.

"Hey! What was that for?" Remus yelled as he turned around.

"Well you weren't paying attention to me!" Sirius pouted. Remus rolled his eyes.

"What do you want?"

"What do you suppose Snivillus's potion smell like?

"You hit me with a dead animal's body part to ask me that?"

"Yeah" Sirius said not seeming to understand what was wrong with that.

"Well than take a whiff." He said like talking to a two year old which he often thought he was in fact doing.

Sirius gave him a confident nod and got up and strolled nonchalantly over to Snape's cauldron. Remus watched him lean over and talk to a Gryffindor who was sitting near his target. When Snape turned his back Sirius took a deep breath of the pale vapor that was coming up from the sunny potion.

Sirius headed back to his table with a perturbed look on his face.

"Well?" Remus asked. But Sirius wouldn't look at him. "Sirius! What is it?" Sirius finally looked up.

His eyes were darker than usual and filled with an emotion Remus couldn't decipher. He couldn't even sense what was up.

"Sirius?" He asked a little concerned.

"I-it smelt like-like…uh" he croaked out. "Like…lemons, parchment and …and chocolate."

Remus looked at him confused. _What does that have to do with anything?_ Then his eyes widen

_Wait…no…_

"It smelt like you, Moony," He hissed. His eyes flashed with anger.

"No, no you must be wrong Pads. I mean he knows what I am and he's a Slytherin. There's no way."

"Way or not I know what it smelt like. And I know that those smells indicate you." Sirius snarled. _Why was he so angry?_

_Because I don't want that slimy git anywhere nears my Moony. Wait…my Moony? Where did that come from?_

While Sirius had his little internal battle Slughorn was announcing the end of class.

"C'mon Sirius. It doesn't matter. It doesn't mean anything," Remus said squeezing his friend's shoulder reassuringly.

"I just don't want that slimy git to get any ideas is all," he muttered gathering his stuff. Remus nodded understandingly. He didn't want Snape to be in love with him anymore than Sirius did.

_Why was he so upset? And how the hell does he know what I smell like?_

The group left the classroom and headed to the Great Hall for dinner. Remus shrugged off the feelings that class had just arisen. But Sirius wasn't so lucky. He was unusually quite throughout the rest of the meal.


	5. Chapter 5: Full moon

Chapter Five: Full Moon

"Moony, do you know that it's a Friday?' James teased his friend, who was propped up against his headboard with a text book balancing on his knees.

"Of course but tomorrow is a full moon and I will be too sick to do my work and on Sunday I will be attempting to recover." He told him.

"Oh I forgot," He said running his hand through is messy hair. Remus sighed. He wished he could just forget about the full moon but he didn't get the luxury to forget. He could never forget.

"Better remind Padfoot and Wormtail," he said. Remus just nodded not looking up from his textbook.

Remus let out a groan as he lifted his heavy lids.

"Finally you woke up," a cheery voice near shouted from his right. Remus opened his eyes fully to see that all of his three friends were awake and piled onto James's bed.

"At least Padfoot had the sense not to wake me," he said dryly. His throat ached and his tongue felt like sand paper.

"Hey!" Sirius shouted indignantly. "I do learn." All four boys chuckled at the memorable event. It was in their second year. Sirius had grown accustomed to waking Remus up on weekends and invoking a wrestling match. But on one such Saturday that just so happen fell on the full moon he attacked Remus.

The werewolf in Remus was stirring more than usually seeing as it was a full moon and nearly killed Sirius. This was before Sirius had become and Animagus and he didn't have the strength to fight the enraged werewolf off but Remus had enough control to protect his friend.

"Yes well," Remus muttered heaving himself up from the comfort of his mattress. "Best be off to the infirmary before I empty my stomach fluids all over you three." The other boys watched as Remus slowly dressed himself groaning in discomfort form the nausea due to the fast approaching full moon.

Then they accompanied him down to the hospital wing.

"We'll see ya tonight, Moons" Sirius said smiling widely at his friend. Remus nodded and then immediately hated himself for it as a dizzy spell hit him. He slumped back into the pillows of his hospital bed.

"Bye guys," he whispered pathetically trying to keep his mouth closed but still mutter the farewell. His friends looked at him sympathetically and exited the wing.

Later that night James, Sirius and Peter snuck out of the castle with the help of James's invisibility cloak and the Marauder's map that they had finished and perfected last summer.

"Ow! Wormtail stop stepping on my foot."

"Sorry Padfoot,"

"Shhhhh!"

Once they were out on the grounds they trio moved at a faster pace. The moon was already high in the sky and they knew that Remus would have already transformed by now. He never allowed them to be there when he went through the transformation. So they always arrived after the moon was out.

Once they neared the Whomping Willow a rat appeared out of no where and scurried over to the trunk of the murderous tree. It touched a knot on the trunk and the branches ceased to flail about. The two boys threw off the cloak and slipped into the tunnel near the base of the tree.

As they entered the house they transformed. Where once were two sixteen year old boys stood a white and regal stag standing next to him was a black, scruffy dog. The pair followed closely by a little brown rat made their way to the bedroom where huddle in the corner was their friend.

As they knew he would be Remus had already transformed. He was now in his werewolf form. He was emitting low whines as the pain of transforming subsided. His arms and chest were already sporting bite and scratch marks.

Padfoot was saddened by this but he knew that those most likely would be the only injuries Moony suffered from tonight. With his friends there the night of being a werewolf was not so hard on Remus. He was able to keep a little of himself and that ended the need to cause pain to the horrible monster that he had become.

Padfoot approached the werewolf cautiously. The wolf lifted its head and sniffed at the new smell.

_My mate_ it recognized and nuzzled the dog before it a little.

_Well what are we waiting for? Let's go have some fun!_ Padfoot shouted at his friends flashing them a wide dog-grin, his tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth. The four friends made there way through the shack.

Howling and barking and braying and squeaking laughter was echoing off the old rotten walls as the friends romped through the old house. The wolf and dog never leaving each other's side.

Dust spun and twirled in a lazy dance in the weak morning light. It filtered into the large room through the broken shutters that hung on the grim covered windows. Remus Lupin shuttered in the cold October morning air. He winced in pain at the involuntary movement.

The pain had set in. he must be awake and there was no sleep left to be had. Remus slowly opened his eyes trying his best to spare them the full force of the dull light, but they burned just the same.

Directly in his line of vision was the handsome face of Sirius Black. He was still sleeping soundly His features were relaxed and his long black hair was falling over his pale face. Remus so wanted to tuck the ebony strands behind his ear but instead he just lied there for a while, watching his friend sleep. Then Sirius began to stir. Remus quickly slid his eyes shut so that he was peering through his eyelashes.

Sirius's dark eyes opened and took a moment to focus. He was looking at Remus. He gave a wide yawn and then noticed how very naked he was and how very naked the boy next to him was.

Before you could say 'Quidditch', which he loved so it would be okay to say around him but not in your best interest if you have somewhere to be, he was up and in a pair of boxers and jeans. He grabbed the blanket off the bed and placed it on the werewolf.

"'Morning Pads," Remus mumbled his throat burned from the screams during transformation and the overuse of it the night before.

"Hey Moon, how you feeling," Remus glared at him." ok stupid question," he said awkwardly and ran a hand through his hair.

"Prob…wake up ….Pete….and…Jam-"Remus tried to get out through the desert in his mouth. But even though he could only get those few words Sirius seemed to understand perfectly.

"Oh yea. Pomfrey should be on her way." He said heading over to the two lumps of blankets. "Oi wake up you lot," he said giving a kick to each bundle.

"Wha?" James mumbled sleepily looking up at his friend.

"Come on guys we gotta go. Pomfrey's probably all ready on her way." He said kicking the Peter-lump again. The smaller boy jumped this time and rubbed his eyes.

In a matter of minutes the three boys and gotten up, dressed and left Remus on his own. They left just in time because shortly after their departure enter Madame Pomfrey.

"Morning Remus," she greeted and led the werewolf up to the castle and hospital wing.

Lily tutted in disapproval. She was standing in the middle of the boys' dormitory or what looked like her to be the remains of a massive explosion. There were clothes, books and other things everywhere.

_How can they live like _this? She thought in disbelief that in fact the boys did indeed live with it. She was also shocked that Remus allowed such disarray, though his side of the room was considerably neater than the rest. She shook her head.

_Oh well. On to the task at hand_, she thought, indeed bringing her mind back to the task at hand. She took a deep breath and shook out her arms and legs like you see runners and other athletes do before an event.

_Ok…1…2…3!_

"WAKE UP!" she screeched. She then ran over to each bed chanting. "Wake up, wake up, wake up"

"Aw Lily, what do you want?" Her boyfriend moaned burying his head deeper into his pillow.

"Yeah Evans! Didn't you know last night was a full moon," Sirius barked at her in utter irritation.

"Of course I know that last night was a full moon, and I know that it's almost two in the afternoon" she said putting her hands on her hips.

"We're really worn out, Lily," Remus said through a yawn. All three boys were glaring at her, James's from under the protection of his pillow.

"Oh come on you guys! Get up!" she almost whined. She hated how uncooperative they were being.

"Bloody hell! How can Peter still be asleep through that banshee," Sirius asked incredulously indicating Lily as the 'Banshee' that he had mentioned. Lily just stuck out her tongue.

"Fine if you don't want the food-"she wasn't able to finish her sentence. At the mention of food all four boys bolted out of bed and ran down the stairs, chorusing 'thank-you, Lily's.'

Lily followed them down to the common room where they were all sitting around the table where Lily had set the food and stuffing their faces.

"Ugh. " Lily said with a look of disgust as they crammed food into their mouths. "Slow down. You're going to choke," she ordered.

"Hey Moony, You think you can give me mouth to mouth if I choke?" Sirius asked wiggling his eyebrows.

"No,"

"Aw man that's cold,"

"Mouth to mouth is when you drown you twit," Remus said ruffling his friend's hair affectionately.

"Oh…So you wanna go swimming later?" the two laughed and shoveled more food into their mouths. While the two bantered James replied to his girlfriend.

"Yes mother," He teased through a mound of mash potatoes.

"James Potter that is disgusting." She whined, about to vomit. "don't even think about it Black," she ordered pointing her wand a Sirius who was just about to open his mouth and display it's mashed and mutilated contents. "The next one who opens their mouth while it's occupied with food will have it hexed shut for a week!" she threatened.

She watched as the boys sniggered and went back to their meal barely using the silverware. She watched as Remus jammed a whole roll in his mouth.

"Remus!" she shouted in disbelief and repulsion, "how can you eat like that? Black, you better swallow before you talk to me." Sirius swallowed the lump of food hard.

"Just because he's an ickle prefect don't mean he ain't a guy," Sirius said in a bit of a breathless voice as the food was still a little stuck in his throat.

"Sorry to fall from the pedestal Lily but he's right. I can be just as disgusting as they are. Especially after a full moon." He smiled at her before rather violently ripping off a piece of chicken.

"I think I'm going to be sick." She muttered looking a little green.


	6. Chapter 6: Halloween

Chapter six: Halloween

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!" Sirius yelled running around the common room in wide circles, resembling a dog chasing its tail.

"Padfoot! Will you please calm down?" Remus asked irked from his place on the couch.

"No, no, no, no, NO!" he shouted back still running.

"Fine," Remus muttered pulling out his wand and saying a quick spell. Sirius went sprawling to the floor.

"Hey! You tripped me!" Sirius accused form the floor.

"Hey! You annoyed me!" Remus mocked form the couch. "What's your deal anyway?"

He asked going back to his book. Sirius flopped on the couch and put his head in Remus's lap looking straight up at him.

"It's Halloween! The party's tonight!" he said with a crazed grin on his face. "What you going as? I was thinking I could be a knight-"

"I'm not going" Remus said but Sirius didn't seem to hear him and continued talking.

"Or maybe I could get McGonagall to give me her hat…Wait what do you mean you're not going." He said as Remus's words seemed to reach him. He jumped up and looked at the other boy.

"Oh come one Sirius. You know I don't like parties and all that." he said trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

"But…but Moony! You have to come!" Sirius cried.

"Oh you'll have much more fun with out me."

"No! You don't go, I don't go," Sirius said sitting back and crossing his arms looking like a spoiled child not getting his way.

"Don't be ridicules, Padfoot. I know you wanna go. So go." He said refusing to look at his friend.

"Just promise you'll think about it," Sirius said in a childish whine. Remus looked at him and his eyes were pleading and he looked every bit of the puppy that he was.

"Aw silly pup," he chuckled, "ok" he said finally.

"You'll think really really hard?" he asked.

"Alright, Sirius ok? I'll think about it really really really hard." Remus promised then left his the other boy on the couch.

Later that night…

Music blared through all of Gryffindor tower successful distracting one Remus Lupin and he was deeply vexed by it.

"Blast! I will never get any reading done with all that noise!" he said aloud to the empty dorm.

_Well…you could just go down to the party_…a voice in his head argued. And for once Remus did not feel the need to inform the voice how he couldn't do that because for once Remus didn't care about what he could and couldn't do.

_I guess I could do that_. He got up and left the dormitory.

As he entered the common room he was greeted by loud music and even louder people. The room was filled with teenagers drinking, dancing and just having a good time. Every Gryffindor and half of Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw were there as well.

"Remmy! So glad you decided to join us!" Sirius called from the middle of the room. Remus waved and began to make his way over to him.

"Here," a boy Remus didn't know said handing him a bottle of firewhisky.

"Oh no, I don't drink," he called at the retreating figure. He looked at the bottle in his hand and then looked up to where Sirius was. He was now on the couch entangled with a Hufflepuff in a very serious snog session.

Jealousy reared its ugly head. Remus tore his eyes from the scene. (You would think he would be use to it by now, but you'd be wrong) He looked around him at the many drinking teens.

_Well…when in Rome…_ he thought and took a large swig from the bottle.

"Star light…Star bright…umm…wish toniiiiiiight!" Remus mumbled as he lay on the couch in the Gryffindor common room.

"Moony? That you?" Sirius asked as he entered the common room.

"Sirius! How wonderful to see you!" Remus squealed happily, his words heavily slurred.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked kneeling by his friend. He picked up a bottle from the ground near him. "Did you drink this whole bottle?" concern etched across his face.

"Yup! This one too!" he giggled waving another bottle in front of the other boy's face. Sirius gave him a sad smile. He was happy that Remus was so relaxed but he hated that it took two bottles of firewhisky to do it.

"I'm surprised you aren't dead," he scolded with no real feeling of anger.

"Oh me werewolf AWOOOOOOO-"Sirius quickly covered his mouth.

"Remus!" he hissed looking around to make sure they were alone. "EW!" he yelled as Remus licked his palm.

"Hee hee hahahaha heehee heehee hahah" Remus giggled. Sirius shook his head.

"Let's get you to bed."

"Yours or mine?" he asked wiggling his eyebrows. Sirius ignored him

"Come on," he lifted the lighter boy up, placing on arm behind his neck and another under his knees.

"You sweep me off my feet," he giggled again. "Now I do say you're not trying to take advantage of me there are you Mr. Black?"

Merlin! _When did Remus start giggling so much…am I this annoying when I am drunk? Or sober?_ He thought as he carried the inebriated werewolf up the stairs.

Remus was no help in the journey. He hung limply in Sirius's arms and he had stopped talking. Sirius wondered if perhaps he had fallen asleep.

Once they were in front of Remus's bed he spoke again.

"I love you, Sirius," he said in a whisper.

"Yes, yes I love you too, Moony," Sirius said starting to get annoyed. He pulled back the covers on Remus's bed and helped him into it.

"No, no I mean I am really _in_ love with you. I want to snog you all the time." He said with absolute conviction and a matter-of-fact tone.

"Moony you're drunk." Sirius said brushing off the strange confession. He pulled off his friend's shoes. "Now lay back and get some sleep."

"Sirius…kiss me" Remus whispered looking up at the other boy. Sirius was taken back by the request.

"No Remus. You're my friend and you're drunk." He said. Remus glared at him and crossed his arms looking like a young child. Sirius felt he was talking with a five year old rather than the constantly level headed Remus.

"You keep saying that," Remus said his eye lids began to droop.

"Well, it's true. Get some sleep." Sirius whispered. Remus opened his eyes fully giving him one last look. It went searing through Sirius's soul. There was so much emotion in those amber eyes. Then he passed out.

Sirius sat there for a minute watching the boy sleep. He smiled softly and kissed him on the forehead before getting up. He took one last look at the werewolf before he closed the hangings around Remus's bed and went to his own.

Little did either of them know that one other Marauder heard the confession. Peter Pettigrew looked through his own hangings and watched Sirius kiss Remus's forehead.

_Things are about to get interesting_ the small boy thought before turning over and falling asleep.

"Kill me now…please?" Remus whined pathetically.

"Well I bloody well should," Sirius said not being able to keep the mirth out of his voice and the amusement out of his eyes. "What were you thinking drinking so much?"

"Would you stop shouting?" Remus flinched as a log crashed in the fire place of the Gryffindor common room. "Don't you have any hang over potion or something?"

"'Course not mate. You'll just have to ride it out. Live with your consequences," Sirius smirked at the poor boy.

"I hate you. I hope you know that," Remus pouted. His forehead resting on the table in front of him. The smirk slid off Sirius's face.

_That's not what you said last night_. He thought.


	7. Chapter 7: New discoveries

Chapter seven: new discoveries

November entered in a flurry of cold rain and stormy clouds. But the storms outside were nothing compared to the storm that was raging inside a certain dark haired Gryffindor.

It is now one week since Halloween and Remus's confession. Sirius had been busy since then. The Marauders had quite a time with congratulating Remus on his first hangover. Also James had challenge Sirius to a game of 'Snape-cursing'. They each had to curse Snape through out the week and in the end whoever got him the best without getting in trouble would win. (Sirius had won when he charmed Snape's hair to move and growl on its own accord. Strange thing is that he didn't even seem to notice.)

But now it was back to the same old same old and it left Sirius plenty of time to think. And the melancholy of the school day found Sirius thinking mostly about Remus's confession. He almost physical cringed whenever someone mentioned the Halloween party.

"Sirius? Earth to Sirius..." Remus called to his friend who had spaced out again for the millionth time.

"Wha? Hmm? "Sirius said as his eyes refocused. He looked up into Remus's and his stomach gave a strange flutter.

_What was that about?_ He thought confused.

"You ok?" Remus asked concern in his eyes. Sirius pulled his gaze from them and looked at his eyebrows.

"Yeah just… a little tired ya know." He said giving a fake yawn. Remus nodded but he wasn't fooled and Sirius knew it.

_Ah, dear friend I cannot tell you what is wrong for I know not myself…where the hell did that come from?_

Remus seemed to take Sirius's answer anyway. Figuring that he would tell him what was going on in his own good time. . That was one of the greatest things about Remus. He knew when to push and when to wait.

While Remus turned back to his work Sirius drifted back into his thoughts. He had been thinking about what Remus had said the other night.

_What am I going to do? Remus is in love…with me! I can't tell James…its too personal…what do I do? I don't want our friendship to be ruined…but I don't know what I can do…I need help…who can help though? Who can I tell…groan there's only one person who can help gulp…Lily._

"Hey Remus, do you know where Lily is?" Sirius asked the other boy. Remus looked up his amber eyes full of suspicion but he didn't question his friend. "She's in the library with James," he said. Sirius jumped up and ran out of the common room without a word.

Remus looked after him, shrugged then went back to his essay.

"James! We are here to study not to snog," Lily lectured her boyfriend.

"Aw can't we do both?" He pouted. Lily rolled her eyes but couldn't help but to laugh. He was just so adorable.

"No," she said without much conviction. James gave a wicked grin. He knew he was breaking down her defenses. Just as it seemed he was about to succeed they were interrupted by a rather frantic Sirius.

"Lily! I need to talk to you," Sirius said panting. He had run all the way from the Gryffindor tower to the library.

"Ok…what do you need?" she asked a little wary of the raven-haired boy. Sirius's eyes flickered to James then back to Lily.

"In…uh…private," He said giving her a pleading look.

"Hey, no way, mate. Whatever you have to say to my girlfriend you can say to me." James said a little angrily. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Let's go Sirius. James, study." She got up and placed a kiss on her boyfriend's lips to stop his protest.

She followed Sirius out off the library and into the empty corridor.

"Ok…what do you need?" she asked again. Sirius looked at her. He didn't know how to start. He felt nervous and fidgety.

"Well…uh…Ok you see I recently found out a secret about one of my friends and I don't know what to do..." he started. Lily looked at him and blinked.

"You found out that Remus is in love with you," she said bluntly. Sirius's jaw dropped.

"How-how do you know?" he asked.

"Remus told me a while ago." Lily said off-handily.

"And you didn't tell me?" he accused.

"It wasn't my secret to tell ,Sirius." She said throwing him off guard.

"Oh. Well the thing is-"

"That you don't know how to act around him now..." she finished for him.

"Ok this is getting eerie..." Sirius said backing way from the girl. Lily rolled her eyes.

"It's to be expected, Sirius." She said annoyed. "So here's my advice to you; get over it."

"What?"

"Get. Over. It." She said again enunciating every syllable. "I mean Remus had been in love with you for a long time and has he ever acted weird or anything around you right?" she asked but didn't give him the chance to answer, "no he hasn't. I mean come on, you haven't even noticed, and probably still wouldn't know if he didn't tell you. so if you don't feel that way about him then just get over it and move on." With that she turned and left Sirius deep in thought.

Sirius thought about what Lily said on his way back to Gryffindor tower. He went straight through the common room ignoring the calls of friends including Remus and went up to his dorm.

_Ok. I've discovered two things today. _He thought flinging himself on to his bed. _One, James is mental. Completely off his rocker. Two, Lily scares me. Truly terrifies me._

Sirius shook his head and groaned. He was no closer to an answer. He couldn't just get over it. It wasn't that easy.

_Why not?_ A voice asked. But Sirius didn't know. He didn't know why he couldn't just let it go. But he did know one thing and that was that he was _not _going to mention it again.

"Hey Remus," Lily Evans called to the other prefect.

"Hey Lily, ready to go?" Remus asked and the two prefects headed off down the hall for their patrolling duties.

"So Remus how was your Halloween." Lily asked after a while of silence. Remus turned bright red.

"Oh…uh…y'know," he mumbled.

"Yes I do know," she said a little coldly, but she melted when she saw the look on Remus's face. "Why did you do it? Its not like you to get drunk like that." she asked.

"Oh Lily I don't know." He said throwing his hands in the air. "Ok I do know. It's Sirius. I just can't take it anymore. Every time I see him I just want to snog him senseless. That night I saw him snogging with some girl and I guess my judgment just…I dunno, left?" he offered lamely.

"Oh Remus," she said sympathetically "why don't you just tell him?" Remus glared at her.

"You know I can't do that Lily. He's my friend. My very 'popular -with –the- ladies ' friend and besides werewolves mate for life and I don't think Sirius could handle that. No, its better this way,"

"Oh, oh it's better to be miserable? Better to put on a happy face for him when really your dieing inside?" she said angrily. She hated that Remus thought he had to be so noble. That he didn't think he deserved to have what he wanted.

"That's being a little overdramatic don't you think? Anyway my futures decided for me, once I leave Hogwarts I will register as a werewolf with the ministry and get a nice little shack somewhere in the mountains were I can transform and not hurt anyone," he said trying to keep it light but she could hear the bitterness in his voice.

"I know due to your lycanthropy that your future isn't as bright as it should be. But that doesn't mean you have to be alone. I mean what if Sirius loved you to? You could have a future with him if you just took a chance," she near shouted at him. Yes, she knew that by the way Sirius had acted the other day he was in fact, _not_ in love with Remus, but this was about Remus's self-esteem and knowing he deserves to find love.

"No Lily. Sirius has a chance for a real future. One where he is a famous Quidditch player with James and finds the love of his life gets married and lives happily ever after. I can live without as long as I know he's happy. That's all I want." He said quietly.

"You must really be in love with him," Lily said smiling sadly at her friend.

The pair continued heading off down the hall. They had gotten so wrapped up in their conversation that they hadn't noticed the small rat that went scurrying past them.


	8. Chapter 8: Quidditch and the last straw

Chapter eight: Quidditch and the last straw

"SIRIUS! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING!" Beal, the Gryffindor Quidditch captain shouted as Sirius once again missed a bludger that almost knocked Beal off his broom..

"Hey mate, you ok?" James asked as he flew his broom, The Quicksilver 70, over to the beater.

"Uh…yeah just a little…off today," Sirius said. What had happened was that Sirius was once again deep in thought about Remus, but this time it was not about his confession. It had been a week since he had talk to Lily and instead of getting over it he had been dwelling on it more and more.

Actually Sirius had been dwelling more and more on Remus in general. He found himself staring at him when ever he was around, wondering where he was and what he was doing when he wasn't around, and thinking about his ALL THE TIME!

Sirius was getting so confused. He didn't know why his best friend had taken over so much of his thoughts but he had.

"Well, make sure you get over it. We have a game tomorrow." James was saying. Sirius whirled his broom around.

"I can't GET OVER IT!" he yelled at his friend and took off; leaving James lost and highly confused.

With a loud growl of frustration Remus threw his quill across the table he was at in the library. He had been attempting to get through a transfiguration essay about Animagus but of course the stupid topic just spurred up thoughts, images and fantasies about Sirius.

"I really should just throw myself off the astronomy tower." He muttered.

"Now who would that help?" a voice said. Remus looked up and saw Sirius slam into a seat across from him. "On second thought, mind if I join you?"

"Why must you always try to outdo me? My death will hold no merit if you were to die too." Remus said looking at his friend concerned. Sirius gave a sadistic laugh.

"Yes sorry bout that Moon," he said sadly. Now Remus was really worried.

_What was up with him?_

"Sirius why are you here?"

"Oh thanks mate, love ya too," he said and inwardly flinched at his choice of words.

"You know I didn't mean it that way. Shouldn't you be at Quidditch practice?" all this got him was a pained groan.

"It going that bad?" he asked. Sirius took a deep breath.

"I dunno what's wrong with me. I can't concentrate."

"What do you mean what's wrong with you? You've never been able to concentrate." Remus laughed dryly. He knew it was a stupid ploy but he was beginning to feel very uncomfortable. He swallowed hard at the look of extreme sadness filled Sirius's dark eyes.

"I wish that were it. I'll see you later Remus," he said and got up.

"Sirius! Wait! I understand and I just wanna say whoever it is…their really lucky," Sirius was a little confused but thought better about replying and just nodded and left.

"Ok Sirius, no more messing around. You have been acting all wonky for two weeks now and after your freak out during practice I think its time you explain." James told his best friend. He had had just about enough of his friend's odd behavior.

He had seemed normal the week after Halloween but then he started acting really weird. James had just taken it as depression that the holiday was over and that they were in fact back in school.

But that excuse could only last for so long. So he thought that Sirius was now upset about the fast approaching winter break and that he would have to see his family. That excuse soon died when he noticed Sirius had signed up for staying at Hogwarts.

He then thought it best to let his friend come to him. Well that tactic wasn't going so well and now that Quidditch was involved …well that was the last straw. He had to do something. And that something was making the boy tell him everything.

"Trust me James, You do not want to know," Sirius said form under his pillow. It was about dinner time but he didn't feel like going, he wanted to be alone but apparently James didn't seem to be allowing that to happen.

"Yes I bloody well do! So spill or else," he threatened. Had it been any other time Sirius would have taken the challenge that the threat had offered and had it been any other time he would've known that James was just bluffing. But he could hear that James was deadly serious and was going to stop at nothing to find out what was up.

"Fine, but you asked for it." Sirius muttered sitting up and wrapping his arms around the pillow that had been on his face. James smirked smugly and sat cross-legged on the end of his bed that was caddy-corner to Sirius's.

"It's about Remus," he started softly, _oh Merlin how was he going to explain?_ Sirius took a deep breath _there's nothing to do but to do it_, and plunged it the story about the Halloween party.

"And that's what I was asking Lily about. I mean come on, Prongs. I didn't know what to do. I mean Moony was in love with me. Me! And we we're friends and we're both boys. Boys like girls. Or at least most boys. But its not that I care that Moony's a poof or anything it's just…it me you know. I didn't know how to handle it.

And you sadistic little girlfriend told me to get over it. And I very well could not. I don't know why but he's now in my thoughts more than ever. This last week it hasn't even been about his confession it's just him.

Every time I am near him I wanna know what he's thinking and when he's not there I wanna know where he is and what he's doing. I want to know what he was like as a child. I wanna know what he was like before he got bit, what was his favorite toy, what's his favorite color. I wanna know why he likes chocolate so much and how he can read none stop. And how on earth does he read and hold a conversation. (It's odd I tell you)

I want to know deep stuff too. Like what he would do when he left Hogwarts if he could do anything. But most of all I just wanna know what he sees in me. I wanna know everything about him and even then I doubt that would be enough.

All I do is think about him. All I do is staring at him. Merlin Prongs I even dream about him. I am going bonkers. I think I am barkin' mad and you should just send me to St. Mungo's and be done with It." he said taking a deep breath and sitting back on his bed. Through out his constant Remus- obsessive talk he had began to pace.

"So that's what's been going on?" James asked blankly. Sirius nodded.

"You've been driving yourself mental because Moony loves you," again Sirius nodded.

"And now your obsessed with him and you don't know why?" once again this was confirmed by a nod from Sirius. James stared at him for another minute or so then began shrieking with laughter.

"That-that's….what Th-this…is….all a-a-about!" he shouted through his laughter. But one look at the withering glare from Sirius caused him to sober up almost immediately.

"Yes…and?" Sirius asked angry that his friend would take his problems so lightly.

"Well, it's just not like you to get so upset by someone being in love with you," James said.

"Yes but this isn't like those school-girl crushes from my fan club…this is Moony! He's my friend…our friend. It's different." Sirius stressed trying to get James to understand that the situation was indeed much more serious than that.

"I just don't see the problem here. I mean Remus is a good guy and he isn't going to let this ruin our friendship. If I'm right and I think I am he's probably liked you for ages and its never disrupted anything so why should it now? That is if you don't like him back…" James said leaving off. Sirius stared at him open-mouthed.

_How could he make such an assumption? I am Sirius "-ly sexy" Black! I make girls faint into their cheerios every morning just by walking in. I've been with the hottest witches in this whole school. Everyone loves me. _

_But you don't care about them. You care about Remus_. A small voice said bluntly and so subtly that Sirius almost went reeling backwards. Though it seemed so out of left field to him…he knew it was true.

James smirked widely as he saw realization hit the other boy.

"I think I do," Sirius said so softly James almost didn't hear him. "It seems so sudden though," his eyes still fixed on to his hands.

"No not really. If you think about it." James pointed out. Sirius looked up at him bewildered.

"What? How do you figure?"

"Well, you've always seemed to have a different sort of relationship with Remus. I mean, only you can get his nose from a book, you were the first to find out about his 'furry little problem', the first to come up with a solution, you're always the first to approach him and all those sexual innuendos. Really, you have always been kind of obsessed with him. I guess when he told you he loved you, you were able to…I dunno …explore (?) Your feelings for him." James said.

Sirius looked at him. All that was true. He had always felt a bond with Remus. One that he couldn't explain. He had told himself that it was just a canine thing (he had been too young in their first few years at Hogwarts to really think much about the strange connection) but even that seemed to just be evidence that he and Remus were meant to be.

Was it by coincidence that he his Animagus form was a dog, or was it fate? He had always been the first to the shack for the transformations, and the last one to leave his hospital bed the next morning. He had always felt a strange protectiveness over Remus…_or was it possessiveness?_ Sirius had to wonder. _Was that what he had felt when he smelt Remus's scent coming off of Snape's cauldron in Potions all those weeks ago?_

It had to be. All of this led to one thing. Sirius Black was in love with one of his best mates. One of his best _male_ mates.

"I'm a poof!" Sirius cried.

"No you're just in love with Remus who just happens to be male." James said wisely. Sirius's eyes widened.

"Your right, on both accounts. And in that case I think that I am in love with Remus." He said loudly. James chuckled.

"Good for you, Mate" he grinned. "And besides Remus is pretty enough to be female anyway." He dodged the pillow tossed at him by Sirius.

"Hey! That's the man I love your talking about!" He laughed. "That felt weird to say but on the other hand so…right and …freeing..." James couldn't help but laugh at his friend who was grinning like an idiot.

"Could you be anymore cheesy? Maybe you are a poof." James asked. And let out a squeak of surprise as the other boy tackled him. The pair wrestled for a while. Laughing.

_It feels good to laugh again Sirius thought_. Then another thought came to the front of his mind. Sirius stopped his tickle-attack on James (yes, a tickle-attack. Very childish but hey their boys and tickling is a very effective torture device).

James quickly began to gulp air. The attack had left him rather breathless. Sirius got off him and sat on the bed next to him.

"What's up?" James's asked once he had caught his breath. "Padfoot?" he asked when Sirius didn't say anything.

"What do I do now?" he asked. His voice heavy with emotion. James thought that it was fear. He knew how insecure Sirius was. (Yeah yeah I know you think I'm mental but its true! he's afraid he'll end up like his family so he lets very few people get really close to him. and to be in love with a person…well that's the closet anyone could get to anyone else,)

James decided to play it off lightly.

"Well you could tell him Pads." He said.

"How?" Sirius whined rather pathetically placing his head in his hands. "What if Moony don't want me? He won't be that easy to get! What if I make a fool of myself? In front of people?"

"Ah..." James said. He knew that Moony would most likely want to be with Sirius as well. But James also knew and, agreed with Sirius on, that it would take more work then just telling him his feelings for Sirius to get Remus. There had to be more and it had to be private (seeing as Moony is a very private person…see the connection there? Huh, huh?)

The two boys sat in silence putting there teen sex symbol/ hardcore trouble-making prankster Marauder brains to work. By the time the other two occupants of the room showed up for bed the pair had formulated a plan.

"That game was AWSOME!" James shouted at lunch the next day. Gryffindor had offered Slytherin a handsome beating. Final score; Slytherin: 20, Gryffindor: 170.

James hadn't stopped smiling since. And seeing as it was a major win and made her boyfriend exceptionally happy, Lily allowed the talk. She had granted them a whole day of Quidditch talk and the boys were taking advantage of it.

Or at least Peter and James were. Remus was feign interest and smiling politely but hadn't contributed at all. And Sirius, like he had done most the game, was watching Remus.

"I swear its tradition. As long as Quidditch is played there will always be a Potter beating a Malfoy," James was declaring. Referring to his amazing snatch of the snitch from under the 7th year Slytherin seeker's nose.

Lucius Malfoy was a fairly decent player but all the Gryffindors believed his father bought him onto the team. You see Lucius's father was a very powerful and rich man in the wizarding world.

This rumor also circulated around due to the fact that all of Slytherin's other players were ten foot tall trolls where as he was a nice 5'10 and had a long slim physique that contrasted to his teammate's stockier build. He was also an astonishing pretty boy (especially for being a Slytherin,) and amazingly seemed to care nothing for the house rivalries.

Lucius Malfoy only cared about power and there was no power to be had through arguing with and cursing the Gryffindors. In fact Lucius had many sexual partners form all houses (male and female) though every one knew he had an arranged marriage to Narcissa Black, Sirius's cousin.

Remus had at one time allowed himself to entertain a little crush over the beautiful blonde boy after a run-in with him under the mistletoe (which turned out to be a prank by Snape. He had cast a love spell on Remus so that the first one he saw he'd fall in love with. Yes love spells are illegal but this _is_ Snape we're talking about. But the effects were rather weak. Whether it was the distance at which the spell was cast or Remus's werewolf strength he didn't know.) But that had been years ago and now he felt nothing in anyway about the older boy.

"Preferitibly, a seeker," James was saying in regards to his and Lily's future son who would one day also trump a Malfoy in Quidditch.


	9. Chapter 9: Trip to Hogsmeade

Chapter nine: trip to Hogsmeade

"Moony that is the ugliest jumper I have ever seen," Sirius told his friend. Remus just shrugged as he pulled down the jumper. It was old, worn, frayed, stained, too small and a horrible shade of green that made Remus look sick and pale and it also had silver thread that had at one point was a design but was now just dashed lines.

"It doesn't even fit you and its Slytherin colors," Sirius complained but Remus ignored him. Sirius always said the same thing about the jumper but Remus loved it. His father had given it to him years ago and it had always held good memories with it.

"I could buy you a new one," Sirius offered and Remus just glared and left not saying a word. Sirius sighed and pulled on his own jumper. It was red and rather nice. It had gold designs of phoenixes (yes it was Gryffindor colors, a little something to brighten up the Black home with). It fit him perfectly and he was rather fond of it. But looking at the neat and fairly new jumper made him think about Remus's old one.

He knew Remus would never let Sirius buy him a new one. He hated to think he was a burden on his friends and no matter how much Sirius tried to tell him that wasn't true he wouldn't allow it. He also told them not to buy him much for holidays where presents were exchanged. (That meant no nice jumpers for Christmas or his birthday)

Sirius shook his head and went down to the common room. He was met by his three friends.

"You guys ready to go?" Sirius asked.

"I'm going with Lily," James said from an armchair by the fire. Sirius nodded. That was to be expected.

"Actually James I have plans to go with Remus to Hogsmeade today," Lily said coming down form the girls' dormitory.

"What?" James sputtered.

"It's the last trip before Christmas and I need to do my shopping. You lot cannot be trusted not to look." Lily said pulling on her gloves and hat.

"Oh and Moony can?" James asked angrily.

"Well, yes," She said. James's eyes widen.

"You know, you know what I think? I think that you and Moony are having an affair and are going off to shag somewhere." James accused. He knew how ridiculous this was but he was highly irrational when it came to Lily.

Following this accusation was silence. Sirius had been disappointed that Remus wasn't going with them but he hadn't thought about it the way that James had. Now his mind started whirring. He glared at Lily.

_No wonder she wanted me to get over it. She didn't want anyone trying to steal Moony from her. Well no one messes with Sirius Black's man. No one! _

His thoughts were broken by hysterical laughter. Both Remus and Lily were laughing so hard that they had to use each other for support (which caused even more glares form the two boys).

"You…guys…." Remus started but his speech was over come by his laughs. Lily was shaking her head in a way that told Remus not to bother. The two continued to laugh, chuckle, and guffaw their way through the portrait hole and down the hall.

James and Sirius stared at the hole in shock which then again turned to anger.

"So you guys ready?" Peter asked from behind them where he had been watching the whole thing.

"I don't feel like going anymore," Sirius said plopping down on the couch and crossed his arms.

"Me neither. Sorry Wormtail," James muttered mimicking Sirius and dropping onto the couch next to him crossing his arms.

Peter shrugged and left.

"I swear to you if Moony touches Lily, I'll kill him." James growled.

"If Evans even thinks about touching Moony I'll hex her into oblivion." Sirius hissed.

"So what do you plan to get Sirius?" Lily asked slyly giving her friend a sidelong glance.

"Most likely some Zonko's merchandise like I always do," Remus replied.

He knew she was hinted at maybe getting Sirius something special. Something that maybe would express Remus's feelings for him but Remus was not going to do that. And Lily seemed to sense it. She sighed in defeat.

"Fine if you won't use your romantic-ism to get you some, then let's use it for my own cause of getting some." Lily joked wrapping a hand around Remus's arm.

"I wouldn't think that James would be denying you," Remus said as the pair entered a small shop.

"Oh he's not. Girls just like to think of it as a reward or a treat. Unlike a necessity as guys like to think of it as." She said. Remus gave a laugh at that. It was true. His friends, Sirius included, thought as it as a need that needed to be met often.

The pair ambled around the town going into shops that might hold promiseing for gifts for their friends and family.

"Maybe I should get a biting tea-cup for Petunia." Lily said picking one up.

"Yes that will make her be much friendlier toward the wizarding world," Remus said paying the witch at the counter.

"Well no it wouldn't but it would give her what she deserves," Lily pouted as Remus pulled her out of the shop. By the end of the trip both teens were laden with packages and bags for all their friends and family members.

They made their way back to the castle, up to the Gryffindor Tower and gave the password to the Fat Lady ("eight cauldrons a' bubbling") and was met by quite a sight.

"Take it back!" Sirius yelled again to James who he had in a headlock in the middle of the Gryffindor common room.

"No…way…you….ponce!" James choked out from under Sirius's arm. Sitting at a table behind the two was Peter who seemed to be enjoying the show.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON!"

The three boys looked up in shock. Even Lily was a bit surprised at Remus's outburst.

"Padfoot would you please release Prongs," he said not really asking.

"But Rem-"Sirius began.

"Sirius,_ now_," Remus ordered through clenched teeth struggling not to lose his temper. The wolf was enraged. Sirius saw the wolf peering out through Remus's eyes. It sent a shiver of terror through him and he immediately complied.

"Thank you," he said sound suddenly exhausted now and sinking into an arm chair. Then Sirius remembered that the full moon was coming soon. "Now what happened?"

Sirius and James sat on the couch and exchanged a glance.

"It was his fault…"

"He started it…"

They both started at the same time. And began to babble and talk over each other. Remus ran a hand over his face and through his hair.

"QUIET!" he finally roared over the two when they looked about ready to get into another wrestling match. The both immediately quieted. "We are going to try this again."

He said in an icy calm.

"One. At. A. time." He grounded out through his teeth. He looked back and forth between the two then at Peter behind them. "Wormtail, did you see what happened?"

The smaller boy jumped as Remus addressed him.

"N-no Moony. When I came back they w-were going at it and I-I couldn't stop-stop them." he stuttered terrified. Remus nodded then turned his look expectantly on to the two boys in front of him

"Well?" He asked raising an eyebrow. Sirius's breath caught in his throat as he stared into his eyes. James glanced at Sirius and noticed his 'checked out' expression. He took a deep breath.

"Well after you two left I told Sirius that if you touched Lily I would kill you," James began blushing at his words but Remus just nodded for him to continue. "And uh, Sirius said that…uh… if Lily, um if Lily knew what was good for her then um she would…leave me for you." James stuttered as he made up the story on the spot. He knew he couldn't tell Remus what had really happen.

Remus seemed to except this story but Lily looked suspiciously at her boyfriend who wouldn't meet her eyes. Remus turned now to Sirius.

"Is that what had happened?" He asked him. Sirius snapped out of his daydream as Remus addressed him. He had heard James's new story and was grateful to him.

"Yeah. So James told me that I was a daft cow with stupid hair." Sirius made up. "And I told him to take it back but he wouldn't. He wouldn't Moony! He attacked my hair!" Sirius said slipping into his overdramatic self.

Remus chuckled wearily.

"Well I guess no harm was done. And you know your hair is lovely." Remus told the raven-haired boy. Sirius glowed inside at Remus's praise.

"Uh James? Can I speak with you? Alone? For a moment?" Lily asked her boyfriend James looked at her questioningly but she just got up and left the common room. He followed.

Out in the hall Lily rounded on him.

"Ok James what really happened?" She asked staring intently at him. He cringed under her gaze.

"I-I don't know what your talking about. I told you what happened." He said not meeting her glare.

"James I know your lying. Tell me the truth right now…" she said leaving off threateningly.

"Ok, Ok but you can't tell anyone!" James said looking around fugitively. "And we can't talk here." Lily nodded understandingly.

"Alright, we can go to the prefect's lounge." She said and she led him off down the hall.

The prefect lounge was a large square room. Each wall was painted a different house color and was embossed with the house crest. The room was divided in fourths. In each of the mini-lounges were couches chairs and fireplaces. They were each decorated in the houses colors. In the center of the room was a round table where the prefects held meetings.

Lily and James sat on the large red couch on the Gryffindor side.

"Spill," she said giving James a look that told him if he didn't tell all, and right now his 'need' would never be met by her again. So James jumped right into the story of what Sirius had told him about the Halloween party, Remus's confession and his own feelings for Remus. (Most of this Lily already knew except for the last part which she was ecstatic about)

After James told Lily that much he stopped for a breath.

"Then today when you guys left I told Padfoot that if Moony touched you I would kill him and he said that if you touched Moony he's hex you into oblivion. And then I said that 'there's no way that she would go for a Nance like that' but I didn't mean it. I was just upset and worried and guys do that ya know. We cut down other guys who might be a threat

And I forgot that I was talking to Sirius about Remus. And he got all pissed off and I got angry that he wasn't backing me up. He told me to take it back. That Moony wasn't a Nance and that I was just jealous but…but I told him to sod off and then we got into a fight." James said in a rush. Lily looked at him and shook her head.

"Boys are stupid," she said. James gave a noise of indignation but Lily ignored him. "So, Sirius is in love with Remus and Remus loves Sirius." She said. James was a little thrown off by the sudden change of topic, but recovered.

"Seems that way," he said.

"Well do you guys have a plan? I mean Remus is very guarded. He won't appreciate a public announcement. And I think it would be nice if Sirius put some effort into it. Remus is such a great guy. He deserves some effort." Lily said going into hyper drive.

"Well actually, we already thought of that and we have a plan," James smirked. Lily looked shocked.

"Really?" He nodded. And then proceeded to tell her his plan. By the end of it Lily moved from shocked to impressed. She almost glowed with pride for her boyfriend.

"Oh James, it's simple but I think it will work. Great job," she gave him a kiss on the lips that soon progressed to a full fledged snog session.


	10. Chapter 10: Winter Holiday

Chapter ten: winter holiday

December came in with a flurry of snow and excitement. For the Marauders the next few weeks were pretty uneventful. Sirius and James ended up getting detention (some how dragging Peter down with them) and were unable to go with Remus to the shack for the full moon.

They had visited Remus in the hospital wing the next day, bearing gifts. He looked horrible and they all felt terrible. Remus took the opportunity to chide them about their 'extracurricular activities'.

But now it was the start of the winter holiday and all four Marauders have sighed up to stay. Remus's parents were of to France to visit his grandmother. They knew that there was a full moon during the break and his grandmother didn't very well like Remus anyway due to his Lycanopathy. So he was staying.

Peter's parents were going to visit a relative in America and since he didn't know how to Apparate on his own and hated side-long Apparation he chose to stay. And it was obvious why James and Sirius were staying. James's parents understood for him wanting to stay with his friends. He told Remus and Peter that his parents were also going on vacation. And Sirius obviously didn't give one wit whether his parents wanted him home or not and the others didn't question him cause who would want to spend Christmas with the Blacks?

"Hey Prongs, you wanna do something?" Sirius asked. He was hanging upside down on the couch. His legs were over the back of the couch and his head was hanging off the edge. His cheeks were tinted pink as the blood began to rush to his head.

"I guess," James said from the floor where he was laying staring up at the ceiling. He was a little depressed about Lily leaving. She said that she had to go but she would come back early. There was no way she was missing the big event. "Where's Moony?'

Sirius swung his legs around and sat upright on the couch.

"Library or something with Wormtail," he muttered once the dizzy spell stopped.

"Hmm, nice keeping tabs on the target…" James smirked from the floor. Sirius shot him a mock glare which only caused James's smirk to widen.

"When should we put phase one into action?" he asked pulling himself into a sitting position with a sigh.

"Well I think we should do the first mission on Friday. The day before Christmas Eve. He should notice on Monday that its missing and we will go from there." Sirius said. James nodded.

"You nervous?" he asked looking up at his best mate. Sirius thought about it for a moment.

"Yeah, but I'm kind of excited also." He said. Sirius had been going over in over in his head what he would say and do when the time comes. Sometimes he just wanted to throw up. Other times he wanted to just grab Remus and snog him to death.

But whether he was feeling nervous or…well anyway he had a knot in the pit of his stomach all the time. The apprehension and waiting were killing him. The more he thought about it the more and more the knot would tighten. He had to get out.

"Let's go flying," Sirius suggested quickly and James readily agreed.

Remus was indeed in the Library attempting to finish his homework as soon as possible. He wanted to have free time later to goof off and enjoy his Christmas without worry. Peter had seemed to share Remus's view, but now it didn't look that way. Seeing as he was fast asleep, drooling on his Transfiguration textbook.

He rolled his eyes in annoyance when Peter emitted a rather loud snore. He put a silencing charm on his friend and turned back to his Defense Against the Dark Arts essay.

_Describe how to identify a Werewolf in both human and wolf form_; when the essay subject had been given Remus was very close to taking a swing at the professor.

Professor Trenton was a sadistic bastard. He was one of the few members of the staff who did not approve of Dumbledore's admittance of Remus into the school. He expressed his thoughts that Remus was dangerous and should not be trusted quite often. The man was tall and gangly. His stringy black hair could rival Snape's in grease content, his eyes were a dull and sickly green that poured out hate and loathing, and his pale and ugly face was even more contorted with a venomous sneer. All in all he just wasn't a good-looking man.

Nor was he very appealing on the inside. Trenton was vile, spiteful and an all around prat. He was a pureblood supremacist and hated Remus. He was nothing but a dirty half-blood to him. Trenton has shown his disdain for the boy since his first year and it has just worsened. But Remus had long ago told himself that he wouldn't let the bitter old man get to him.

Though the essay was a blatant attack on Remus and his lycanthropy, there wasn't a whole lot he could do. And none of the other Marauders, save Sirius who was as irate as Remus about it, saw it for what it was. So Remus was going to do the essay and though it would be perfect he, of course, would not receive full marks for some lame reason and would have plenty of sardonically induced responses in the margins.

Remus resisted the urge to write that Trenton was a huge git all over his essay and turn it in. he also resisted the urge to just turn in a picture of himself or something equally sarcastic just to knock the arsehole off his high horse. He repressed his Marauder side and let the prefect side talk him into taking the assignment seriously.

After completing the essay Remus woke Peter and the pair headed out of the library and through the deserted halls to the Gryffindor Tower.

By the end of the first week of break the other boys had taken the path that Remus had. They, though it took a lot of persuasion and whining, all their homework were done three days before Christmas. Sirius, unlike Remus had not felt it necessary to keep the sarcasm out of his essay for D.A.D.A class. He had told Trenton that a werewolf in human form was and incredibly kind and smart person who was adorably shy and handsome to boot.

Upon reading this Remus blushed and a balloon rose in his chest. (Though he knew Sirius only meant it in a platonic way, or so he thought)

"Aw, Paddy, and I thought you were only in it for the sex," he joked with his friend. Sirius gave a bark-laugh.

"Well if that prick can't see what a sexy beast you are than I should have to show him," he said then he added thoughtfully, "Though I don't know if I want that kind of competition. Maybe you like that sort of thing?"

Remus laughed at the ridiculous accusation and made a face at his dark haired friend.

"Well, that does explain why Snape's Euphoria potion smelt like me. But what can I say? I have an incredible appetite." He said grinning wolfishly at Sirius who cringed with the mental image his comment provided him with.

"Thank-you for the image of you and Snivillus having a threesome with Trenton," he said looking like he might be ill. Remus laughed loudly. "I hate you," Sirius groaned.

"Now I need to go wipe my mind clear," he whined and went up to the boys' dorm for a shower. A few minutes later Peter and James entered the Common Room.

"Hey Moon." James said sitting down in an armchair by the fire. Peter also greeted the werewolf and flopped on to the floor. The three Marauders entertained themselves with mindless conversation that continued when Sirius re-joined them.

"WAKE UP!" Sirius shouted to his roommates. "It's Christmas!" He ran over to the bed across form his and jumped on the occupant. This emitted a pained scream.

"Oh Moony, I'm sorry. I forgot." Sirius cried jumping off the figure that was still withering in pain.

"'s ok, Padfoot," Remus grunted. The last full moon had been really intense on Remus, though the other Marauders had been there. Remus could not separate his own lonely and depressed feelings from that of the wolf's. Therefore he had ignored his friends and proceeded to rip apart his own flesh.

He sat up and looked up into the dark eyes of his friend. They were now a stormy grey full of concern and worry. Remus tried to smile reassuringly but it only came out as a pained grimaced. Sirius moved to sit at the edge of Remus's bed.

"Are you ok?" he asked his voice heavy with fear. Remus's heart soared at the love and caring his friend was showing.

"Of course! How could I not with a pile of presents at the end of my bed. Now go away so I can see what you lot got me." He said managing a genuine smile this time. Sirius still looked skeptical but did as he was told.

James who had watched the whole thing shrugged and pounced on his pile. Following their eager friend the other two Marauders did the same. No one noticed that one Marauder had not moved and was look intensely at the werewolf and dog as they affectionately interacted.

"Wow! Thanks Peter!" James exclaimed unwrapping a whole box of biting tea cups.

"Hey cool!" Peter shouted as he pulled the sneak-o-scope that Remus had given him.

"Wicked!" came a cry from Sirius referring to the jumper that was embroidered in gold thread with his name, number and position on the Quidditch team.

"My mum made it for me," James told him through the two chocolate frogs he had stuffed into his mouth. Sirius smiled and thanked his friend. He then turned toward Remus.

"Hey Remmie, your present hasn't arrived yet. I am having it delivered." Sirius told the honey-haired boy. Remus smiled.

"No problem, Padfoot," he told his friend and ripped open his gifts from his parents.


	11. Chapter 11: The missing jumper

Chapter eleven: the missing jumper

It was now Wednesday and there was only three days till the rest of Hogwarts arrived. Lily had already come back from her visit home. She had told Remus that Petunia had been worse than ever and she just had to get out of their before she hexed her into next week. The group was crowded in the common room not really talking.

"I'm bored," Sirius moaned and the others just groaned their agreement.

"Ooooh let's have a snowball fight." Peter offered, and the others readily agreed. They had all been suffering form cabin-fever and needed a break.

"I'm just going to go get my jumper." Remus said heading off toward the boys' dorm. "I'll meet you lot out there."

Once in his room, Remus opened his trunk in search of his jumper. He reached all the way to the bottom where he usually kept it but; no jumper. Instead there was a piece of parchment on the bottom of his trunk. He pulled it out and read it.

_Dear Remus,_

_Have stolen your precious jumper._

_If you do not comply with demands, you shall never see it again._

_Meet me in the 7th corridor at precisely 8 p.m. tonight._

_Be prepared to give something in return for the captive (your jumper)._

_The bad guy_

Remus stared at the note in disbelief. Though he didn't recognize the handwriting but it was obviously Sirius's work. He could smell him all over the parchment.

_What do I do?_ He wondered. _Should I play along or demand the return of my jumper right away._

He didn't know what to do. But whatever he was going to do could wait he had a more pressing matter at the moment. What was he going to wear? He sat on his bed in defeat. In doing so red material on Sirius's bed caught his attention.

He got up and picked it up. It was Sirius's jumper. The one James had given him.

To his surprise it fit him perfectly. He took a deep breath. Though the fabric was new it already smelt like Sirius. He did indeed enjoy wearing Sirius's jumper and had a very viable reason as to why. He was still highly annoyed that Sirius had stolen his and he planned to let him know he didn't appreciate his things being taken. But for now this would do.

He then left and headed out to the grounds to join his friends.

When Remus joined the others outside a game was already under way. It was Lily and James verses Peter and Padfoot, Sirius was in his Animagus form. When they caught sight of Remus both sides begged and pleaded that he join their cause. Remus made a good show of thinking it over but he naturally joined Peter's side.

Not only did Peter need all the help he could get but also seeing as Sirius was a dog at the moment it was basically a game of two on one, ok maybe two on one and a half. The foursome played their snow war well into the late afternoon, while Sirius barked and tackled members on both teams, (none more then Remus of course).

It was almost supper time before they packed it in. Sirius bounded out ahead of them and Remus soon lost sight of him. They all decided that a change in clothes was in order before it was time to eat.

After they were all in warm clothes they went to the Great Hall and sat at the single table in the center of the room. Remus looked around and saw that Sirius had not joined them. He had wanted to get him alone, and in human form, and ask for his jumper.

He barely ate much at dinner. He was a little antsy about meeting Sirius. He had so many questions.

_Why does he want to meet me? Why did he do it? What do I have to do to get my jumper back?_

Come seven thirty, Remus's mood had not improved. He was like a carbonated drink that's been shaken up. He didn't know if he was nervous, angry or excited. He tried not to think about it but it worked as well as 'not think about Sirius' always worked, which was not at all. So for now he just glared at the text book in front of him like it was its fault that Remus was so confused and missing his jumper. He was once again wearing Sirius's jumper because…well it was friggin' cold in the castle in January.

"Hey mate, what cha' doin here?" James said coming into the Common Room, Lily on his arm. She gave Remus a sweet smile but he just looked away. He wasn't in the mood.

"What does it look like?" Remus bit out a little harsher than he meant to out of nervousness. James was taken back by Remus's tone. Lily was down right shocked. Remus was shocking her more and more these days.

_Must be the angst of unrequited love_ she had told herself and she had pitied him. But now his attitude was really starting to bother her.

"Remus J. Lupin," She snarled at him. "I have had it with your brooding" Remus looked up his mouth open in bewilderment. "I want you to leave this room and don't come back until you have removed the broomstick from you arse!" Remus didn't even hesitate. Lily's tone said she was absolutely serious and he didn't want to tangle with her.

Out in the hall Remus leaned against the wall. He looked at his watch. It told him that it was now twenty till eight.

_What am I going to do now?_ He wondered as he began to wander around the school. He had plenty of time till curfew but with nothing to do. Than he remembered about the meeting, Lily and James's arrival had been a nice distraction for him.

Well, he remembered now and his curiosity, excitement and overall need for his jumper won over.

Remus made the trek up to the 7th corridor slowly, thinking about what he was going to say to Sirius. Remus liked to think about situations ahead of time. What he would say and do and the like. It also proved a useful tool more often then not but what poor Remus didn't know was that this time nothing would prepare him for what was going to happen.

He rounded the corner and was standing in a deserted corridor. He looked around and strained to see in the shadows wondering if perhaps Sirius had decided not to come.

"Red is your color," Sirius said lightly as he stepped out of the shadows and into view. Remus looked at him not really knowing what to say. The two stared at each other for a moment before Remus broke the silence.

"Where's my jumper Sirius?" He asked his voice had a hard edge to it. Remus cringed, his anxiety once again causing him to snap at a friend. Sirius seemed a little fazed by Remus's harsh tone.

"Um… I got it back in the dorm…I uh …" he dropped off not knowing what else to say. Remus's temper spiked at this. He was upset that Sirius was acting so casual when he was so confused, upset that his jumper was never very far and upset that an explanation wasn't even offered.

"Dammit Sirius!" he finally exploded. "Why did you take it? Was it one of your pranks? Should I be expecting some sort of liquid-filled balloon to cover me? What? What's going on?"

Sirius's eyes widened at Remus's outburst. He began to fidget.

"Well…uh…y-you see the thing of it is…tha-well…" he dropped off not really sure how to say what he wanted to say. Remus was losing his patience.

"Spit it out, Black" he said but in a kinder tone than he had used before. Sirius took a deep breath.

"I wanted your attention," He said looking a little embarrassed. Remus gave a bitter snort.

"You have everyone's attention."

"Not yours," Sirius said looking like a puppy that's been kicked too many times. Remus was shocked at this.

"Oh come on Sirius! You have my attention all the time, you have everyone's, everyone loves you," he said rolling his eyes. _Great! Another stunt by Sirius to get attention, like that never gets old_. He thought to himself.

"No I don't Remus!" he said hurt shining in his eyes," your always reading some book or something. I mean you never watch me play Quidditch, never listen to me; all you ever do is read. It's always you and those stupid books of yours! All the time Remus! It's…like you're…I dunno having an affair with them or something." Sirius said heatedly.

Remus just stared at him.

_He can't be serious, well actually yes he is_. He smiled ruefully at the old pun.

"Let me get this straight." Remus began still staring. "You're saying I am cheating on you with my books so you stole my jumper to…what? Tell me about it?" Remus asked wondering if Sirius knew how absurd this all sounded.

"Well, no, yes, no…I dunno!" Sirius said exasperated.

"Well what do you know?" Remus asked fighting to stay calm and losing. Sirius thought about that for a minute. Then he began to speak slowly.

"I know you love chocolate, any kind of chocolate but after the full moon you favor milk and you like dark before and on special occasions will you indulge in white.

I know your eyes turn gold when you get excited about something, especially a new book. I know your hair had a hint of red in it when the sun hits it just right.

I know you bite your lip when you're really concentrating, and you tap your quill when you're impatient with us when we're studying together.

I know your eyes glaze over when Quidditch is brought up though you feign interest just to appease us. I know that you are afraid of heights.

I know you run your hand through your hair when you're nervous and over your face when you're embarrassed

I know that you have four smiles. One when your excited about something, one when your being polite, one when something is laugh out loud funny and one for when you look at your friends." (A/n: shamelessly lifted off of 'winning a date with tad Hamilton' but come on what a sweet line)

Sirius finished his tirade and gave Remus a watery smile. "And I know that I love you," he added.

Remus looked at him stunned. He was, for once, speechless. Sirius saw this and advanced on him. Before either of them knew what was happening their lips met.

It was a soft, shy and quick kiss. Just a graze of their lips really but it sent waves of feeling through the two so monumental that it is unlikely such power would ever be known to the world.

Remus was shaking as he pulled back. Sirius Black had just kissed him! He looked up at Sirius who also looked stunned but also insanely happy. Remus shook his head.

No, no he couldn't do this, allow this, it was right, it was…no it was a mistake. Remus shook his head again. Sirius's dark eyes filled with concern.

"Remus? Are you ok?" He asked. Remus just kept shaking his head and backing away. When he finally found his voice he said what he had just thought.

"No, no. We can't. I can't. I'm sorry." His eyes began to water and he was still shaking his head. He then turned around and fled.


	12. Chapter 12: Reasons why not

Chapter twelve: reasons why not

After Remus had left Sirius stood there very confused. His confusion turned to hurt. Then his hurt turned to anger.

_Who the hell does he think he is? Running off like that with out an explanation!_ He thought as he entered the Common Room.

"Hey, how'd it go?' James asked. He was standing behind the couch. "I just saw Moony come through here. He didn't say anything, just went up to the dorm. I was just gonna go up there myself," he told his friend. Sirius didn't say anything and walked past the other boy.

"Sirius? What happened?" James asked and grabbed Sirius's arm. Sirius whirled around so fast almost throwing James off balance. James could see how upset he was.

His face was contorted with barely contained rage but his eyes held a pained look and seemed to be fighting back tears.

"He. Didn't. Want. Me." he said. His voice low and strained, it seemed Sirius was fighting to keep it from cracking. His eyes almost lost the battle with their liquid adversaries.

James was not only taken back by the emotion in what he said, but by the words themselves.

"Wha-what?" he stammered. He couldn't believe it. From what Lily had told him about Remus he was head over broomstick about Sirius.

Sirius nodded curtly.

"I…kissed…him…and he…said…w-we…c-ca-cant…t-then he…ra-ran," he choked out. He was taking deep breaths between each word, as if they physically hurt him. His eyes had lost the battle and tears were streaking down his face. He looked so lost and miserable.

"Did…did he say…why?" James asked tentatively with a fair amount of trepidation. Sirius's features suddenly hardened. His lips set themselves into a hard line, his eyes darkened and all tear were gone from them. In fast harsh strokes he cleared their residue from his cheeks.

"No." he said his voice had an edge to it that James had never heard before. It was almost…lethal. "But I am going to find out," and with that he wretched his arm out of James's grasp and headed off toward the dormitory stairs. He was a man on a mission.

James stared after him for a moment. Then something occurred to him.

_He might kill Moony_ and with that in mind James hurried after his friend.

Sirius stormed into the 6th year boy's dormitory. His eyes flashed as they landed on Remus who was sitting on his bed calmly reading a book in his lap.

Sirius stomped over and stopped in front of the werewolf's bed.

"Hello Sirius," the boy said politely not looking up, but his shoulders tensed visibly. Sirius just glared at him. His anger spiked at Remus's stoic tone. Remus looked up at his friend and inwardly flinched at the rage and hurt written into his features. He steeled himself for the explosion that was sure to come.

"what can I do for you Sirius?' he asked putting as much indifference and annoyance into his voice as he could manage.

"I," Sirius began fighting to keep from attacking the honey-haired Gryffindor in front of him. "Want to know why, why we_ can't_," he said his voice even but he bit out the last word.

Remus shot a glance at James who was standing by the door.

"Can we talk about this later? I'm busy," he said in away he hoped would get Sirius to conceded, and stared pointedly at the book in his lap that he had been pretending to read when Sirius had come in. but he had underestimated the darker boy's fury.

Sirius grabbed the book out of Remus's hands and through it across the room where it hit the wall, inches from James's head and then thudded to the floor.

Remus slowly lifted his eyes from his lap and now-empty hands. If Sirius hadn't been so furious he would've run, wet his pants or both because staring out of Remus's amber orbs was the wolf and he sure as hell wasn't happy.

The two glared at each other for what seemed like an eternity but in reality was only a few moments. Their stares were heated and James was sure he saw sparks shooting between the two. Grey faded into amber and vice versa. They melded and glowed.

James was feeling very nervous. Once he found his voice he stammered out that he would see the two later and then made a hasty exit.

The pair stayed that way for some time after James had left. Remus was the first to break the silence.

"What do you want Sirius?" he asked softly but to Sirius he might as well have shouted. Sirius took a moment before he answered.

"You," he said lifting his chin to show he meant it and was proud. Remus sighed and shook his head his shoulder-length hair whipped across his eyes breaking their contact with Sirius's.

"Sirius," he said softly not looking at the boy in front of him.

"Remus," he replied in a way that dared Remus to say anything that was along the lines of a 'no'. "Ok, Remus, I get it I really do. You don't feel that way about me. Right? If that's true just say so and I will forget all this. We can just be friends." He said his eyes boring holes into Remus.

Remus knew what he had to do. It was for Sirius's own good. He couldn't possibly know what it meant to get involved with a werewolf. Also Remus had some selfish motives as well. He knew that Sirius would one day realize that he didn't love Remus. That it was just a fling. Sirius never stayed with anyone long. Remus would rather deal with the pain of love unrequited rather than love lost.

So Remus plucked up all his Gryffindor courage and pushed the lie out of his mouth. It felt dirty on his tongue and hateful on his lips. But he had to do it.

"No, I don't," he said, looking into Sirius's eyes to show his 'honesty'. He forced himself not to look away when he saw pain feel those dark orbs and bit down the guilt that rose knowing he put that hurt there.

Sirius's eyes grew as hard as the stone they resemble. His eyebrows lowered and his features stiffened.

"I don't believe you," he said in a deadly voice. Remus's mouth flew open in shock. He didn't know what to reply to something like that and even if he could get out another lie that he was indeed telling the truth he knew his voice would betray him. There was no way out. Sirius knew Remus did love him and he knew that he had just lied. He just didn't know why.

Remus sat there. His lips parted and were somewhere between opening to reply and shutting. His eyes lost focus as he fought and internal battle on what to do. But all thoughts were soon chased away by a light pressure on his lips.

Without thinking he returned the pressure. He felt warmth spread through his body and it only intensified when Sirius's tongue slid over his lips and into his mouth to dance with his own.

The kiss was full of passion, longing and love. Remus let himself fall in to the feel of Sirius's lips on his own. Their soft and alluring texture. He let himself revile in the feel of his tongue battling with Sirius's. He let himself enjoy exploring Sirius's mouth. Tasting him. He tasted like cinnamon. He let himself get lost in the electricity and emotion that was making his heart beat so hard he feared it would explode.

When their lungs cried for oxygen the two pulled apart panting. Remus's heart sank at the lost of the other boy's warm mouth. Only then did he realize that the warmth had spread throughout the rest of his body.

Sirius's eyes were sparkling and Remus knew it was with love.

"Tell me, that you didn't feel that." Sirius said his chest still heaving. He looked flushed and warm. Remus wanted that warmth. He felt oddly cold and empty now. He felt like crying. He turned his eyes away from Sirius.

"Yeah I felt it," he said in a whisper that was barely audible.

"Come again?" Sirius asked not being able to hear the other boy.

"I said I felt it, okay Dammit? Are you bloody well happy now?" Remus yelled, tears flowing freely from his face. "Why must you torture me so, _mon amour_? _Pourqoui_?"

Sirius felt like someone slapped him. He had never heard Remus curse like this, nor had he ever heard him speak French. He felt tears come to his own eyes.

"What? Oh Moony I –I don't want to hurt you. I love you," He said moving to place a hand on the other boy's shoulder.

"No, Sirius you don't! Stop saying that! You don't know what love is!" Remus shouted. As soon as he said it he wanted to take it back. Sirius went ridged. His eyes dulled and became empty. His face was void of all emotion. His voice was hollow and distant.

"Your right," he said, "I don't know what love is. I never experienced it. Not at home." his eyes flashed back to Remus. "I grew up in a world of hate and fear Moony. My parents hated me. Wished I had died at birth. And I am afraid that I will end up just like them. "

Remus didn't know what to say. Sirius continued.

"Did you know that I have nightmares when I am at home?"

Remus shook his head. He didn't know that.

"Yeah, it's always the same one. I become a Death Eater just like them…and I kill the one I love. I kill you Moony." He looked away, embarrassed. Silence stretched between them until Sirius spoke again.

"I don't have that nightmare here. I don't feel afraid when I am here. At first I thought it was because I felt at home here…but now I know why," he turned and looked back at the smaller boy. He gazed at him intently prompting Remus to ask what he eventually did.

"W-why?"

"It's you Moony," he says and smiles. "When I am around you the fear goes away. I, as cheesy as it sounds, feel like a better person just being near you. I feel like I can be more, do more then be a Black. You always had so much faith in me. You make me a better person, Moony. And whether or not anything comes out of this, I will love you forever for that. You saved me Remus, from me."

Remus was taken back by the speech. He had never heard Sirius talk that way. With such feeling and vulnerability. And he had never known that he had affected someone's life in a good way.

Remus smiled in spite of himself. He sniffled and whipped away the new tears that cascaded down his face. He loves Sirius so much.

_That's why I can't let him love me._ Remus told himself.

"Sirius we can't." He said, flinching at the sudden anger in Sirius's eyes.

"Why not, Remus? WHY THE HELL NOT!" he leapt up and began to pace._ This boy is utterly infuriating_. A voice in his head told him as he moved back and forth.

Remus watched Sirius's movements. His eyes followed every twitch of his arm, his ears picked up every swish of his robes and his heart broke every time Sirius walked away and skipped a beat when he came back.

He knew he wasn't being fair. Sirius deserved the right to know why. It's the least Remus could do.

"Sirius, the reasons why not," he took a deep breath, "are …complicated." He said finally. Sirius stopped his pacing and turned to the werewolf.

"I don't care. Just bloody well tell me," he yelled. Remus narrowed his eyes. He did not appreciate Sirius's forceful tone nor did Moony.

"Look Sirius, all this might as well be a bloody game to you but its real for me. My feelings are real and their not going to just vanish!" he snarled at the darker boy.

"Oh I get what you're saying. I am Sirius Black 'whore of Gryffindor' right? I am King Nail n' bail right? "He spat, he had hurt and anger lighting up his face like a Christmas tree. "Is that what you think of me? Is that how you see me? That's real nice Remus. I guess I am not the only one who doesn't know what love is either huh?"

Remus's eyes widen. He couldn't believe what Sirius had just said. And how much it had hurt.

"Yes well, I know your world all to well Sirius. The one of hate and fear for I too live in it, my parents fear me and I hate myself. And I am trying to protect you!" Sirius snorted at that.

"Stop your self sacrificing act Remus. It isn't fooling anyone. I know why you won't let me love you. You're afraid. You're afraid that someone will get close enough to break through that shell that you put around yourself."

"No I am not afraid. I should be. I should be bloody terrified but I'm not. I am not human enough to feel afraid. I am nothing but a monster, Sirius! Can't you see that? You think that the wolf only comes out on a full moon and then what? Sleeps peacefully until the next one?

That's not how it works. The beast is in me all the time. There in the back of my mind, influencing me, my decisions and my life. I am not a free man Sirius! I am condemned. Marked for a life of solitary, pain and hatred. I am dangerous and not bloody well worth anymore than that and I know it. I know I don't deserve what I want. I don't deserve love and I don't deserve you. I've been fooling myself."

Remus stopped his talking and stared at his hands. He didn't mean to unload all of his psychological baggage onto Sirius but it had felt good to confined with someone.

"Oh Remus, your so stupid for a smart guy," Sirius chuckled. Remus looked up stunned.

"You don't think I wouldn't know all this? I know that the wolf is always around, as is Padfoot and I know how much you must hate it. But Remus, no matter what, you have to remember that the wolf is just a part of you. Not who you are. Yeah it may be around all the time but so is Remus.

You're not a monster. You're beautiful and caring and the best person I have ever known. You care about everyone. You help whoever asks and have nothing but the best to say about anyone you meet. Even Snivillus and that is quite a challenge.

You're right. I might not know much about love, all I know is what you guys have taught me. And you have taught me what its like to be loved and belong. You guys are my family. You helped me realize what a real family is like just by being here for me. Loving me no matter what. And now I ask you Remus to teach me.

Teach me how to show you how my heart stops when I see you, how it aches when you're not around, and how it skips a beat when I hear you laugh. Teach me how to show you how the room lights up when you walk into it, how I feel like the world is a better place just because your near me, and how I feel like I can do anything as long as you believe in me. Teach me how to show you that no matter where you are a part of me is always with you.

Remus teach me how to show you how I want you, how I need you, and how I love you. Because I cant seem to find the words to say that you're the one I think about each day. You're my dream come true."

Remus's heart broke at those words. His resolve was crushed and he just couldn't pretend anymore. He knew that he will never be able to leave him behind.

"Oh Siri," he choked out through his sobs. He leaned forward and kissed the other boy. When he pulled back Sirius's cheeks were wet from Remus's tears and he was grinning wider than Remus had ever seen.

"Does that mean that you love me to?" he teased. Remus gave a weak and watery laugh and slapped his arm playfully.

"Yes! I love you, you idiot," he cried and through his arms around other boy. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus's waist and pulled him closer. They shared a long and sweet kiss that conveyed their love for each other better than they could say with words. Sirius pulled away and looked at the boy in his arms.

"Good," he replied huskily and kissed Remus's lightly swollen lips. He nipped his bottom one and it resulted with Sirius on his back and Remus pinning him down.

"Hey, keep in mind who the dominant male is here," The lighter boy said with a wolfish grin. It looked almost predatory.

"Of course _Mon Chéri_," Sirius said smirking as Remus's eyes sparkled.

"You know French?" he asked his voice tight with emotion.

"Don't get too excited. I only know a few terms of endearment, some curses and the rather lewd body parts."

Remus gave another predatory smile.

"That will do." And he commenced to snog the other boy senseless.

"MERLIN'S ARSE! Warn a guy would ya?" James yelled from the door. He had come up to see if the two were okay. He had not thought they would be in such a compromising position. He really did not need the image of Remus straddling and snogging Sirius. He was definitely scarred for life.

James quickly covered his eyes and backed out of the room. Remus and Sirius looked at each other and laughed. Once they regained their composure they sat in comfortable silence.

"He sure has horrible timing. Knows how to kill a mood," Remus said with mock- bitterness. Sirius snorted and they slipped back into the silence. Both just enjoying the other's company. It was Sirius this time that broke the quite.

"I didn't know _you _spoke French." He said turning to look at Remus.

"Oh yeah. I was born in France. We lived there until I was six." He said some what distracted.

"Why did you leave?" Sirius asked his curiosity was getting the better of him. He felt Remus tense up next to him. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," he said quickly.

"No" Remus said. "I-I want to tell you. I was…bit …when I was six. We lived in a village in the south of France. I went in to the woods to get some herbs for my maman. I was told to be back by dark. But I, uh, got lost.

I was all turned around. I came across a clearing and was attracted by the moon light. I was afraid of the dark." Remus laughed bitterly at his childhood fear," I decided that I would sit there and wait for morning. I had been in the woods at night before and I thought I would be safe." His voice was soft and he turned watery eyes to Sirius though he didn't really focus on him, and gave a small smile that was more like a grimace.

"I had fallen asleep and the rustling of the bushes behind me woke me. I turned around and all I saw were two yellow eyes and long yellow teeth. It attacked me before I could do anything. It…b-bit me and then i-it left. When they found me the next morning they thought I was attacked by a normal wolf. That was until the first full moon. My first transformation.

My parents tried to keep it a secret. They took me to the clearing every full moon so I could transform. They told the villagers about wild animals in the forest at night so they would stay away. But eventually they found out. And we were forced to leave. My grand-mere still lives there. In that village. She was part of the mob that ran us out of town. I haven't seen her since but my parents visit her every now and then."

Sirius's heart broke in sympathy for Remus. Or was it empathy? Sirius knew all to well what it felt like to be hated. To be judged and pushed away. His grandmother stopped talking to him after he was sorted into Gryffindor.

"Did you know any English when you moved to England?" he asked hoping to lighten the conversation.

"Ah, no I did not. I read many books to learn it and then soon fell in love with them." he said with a wry smile. Sirius had to laugh, he looked so cute. He leaned forward and kissed him on the nose which caused Remus to giggle. It sounded musically to Sirius.

Remus looked up into the taller boy's face. He wondered how he got so lucky. What had he done to not only get the friendship of someone like Sirius but his love as well? Even though he was a werewolf and that implied that their life would not be easy Sirius had still chosen to love him.

_But will he still once he knows the whole truth?_ Remus didn't know and the thought of Sirius leaving him now nearly tore him apart. He had to tell him. Had to tell him right now before it went any further.

"Sirius?"

"Yes, love?"

"I have something I need to tell you." Remus started not looking at the other boy. "See, with being a werewolf there are certain…obligation-" he said but was silenced by two fingers placed over his lips.

"I know, Moony." Sirius said. Remus looked up at him. Sirius's eyes were glowing and it warmed Remus to his core just to look into them.

"Y-you do?" he asked not sure if he was dreaming or not.

"Yes," Sirius chuckled and put his hand in the pocket of his robes. "And I have the solution to that right here,"

Remus's heart fell. He knew that Sirius had misunderstood him.

"Open your hand and close your eyes," he instructed and Remus did so. He opened his eyes once he felt a small object being placed on his palm. It was small and square and wrapped in gold wrapping paper.

"What's this?" he asked his heart in his throat.

"It's your Christmas present. I told you it would be late. Open it!" Sirius said smiling widely. Remus complied.

He peeled the golden paper carefully from the small package. He looked up in shock at his friend. Sirius just beamed and gestured for him to continue. Remus looked at the small black box. He opened it hesitantly.

Inside, nestled in on the velvet was a ring. It wasn't just a ring it was the most beautiful ring that Remus had ever seen. The band was made of white gold. And directly in the middle in a perfect circle was a moonstone. The light from the candles in the room glinted of its opalescent surface.

Remus ran a finger over it. He could feel the tears of appreciation well up in his eyes. Then Sirius spoke.

"I knew you couldn't have silver, and I thought that yellow gold would be rather pale compared to your hair. But then again, everything pales compared to you." He stated a bit embarrassed. "Also I had them put a moonstone in it. I thought it was appropriate and it is suppose to offer emotional balance, bring sweet dreams, Merlin knows you could use a few of those, and it…uh…also is a symbol of love." Sirius said blushing deeply.

Remus hadn't said anything. He had stared at the stone.

"Do you like?" Sirius asked after a while of silence. He shifted nervously.

"You gave me the moon." He whispered finally. Sirius let out a breath he had been holding and gave a small laugh.

"Well in a way yes. Yes I did." Remus finally looked up, his heart in his eyes. Sirius's breath caught and he was sure even the Slytherins in their dungeons could hear his heart pounding.

"Thank-you, Sirius." Remus said with a watery smile as his eyes welled with tears again. Sirius got up and wrapped the smaller boy in a tight hug. Remus buried his head into Sirius's shoulder, taking in his scent. The two pulled apart.

Sirius took the ring out of the box and slipped it onto his left ring finger. Remus smiled as the light hit it again and sent dancing rays of soft blue light around the room.

Sirius had never felt so happy. He doubted anything in the world would make him happier than he was at that moment.

"I know werewolves mate for life and well…I know that now that I have found you there will never be anyone else. I love you, Moony and I don't want to let you go." He said with absolute conviction.

Remus looked at him his eyes sparkling with love and tears.

"I wouldn't let you go if you tried," he laughed though he meant it. "_Je t'aime_, Padfoot. I love you."

"I'm so glad I found you, Remus" Sirius whispered.

"I'm glad you found me too, Sirius," Remus whispered back.

(A/n: I know some of the lines in this chapter sound familiar. Most of them are from the song 'dream come true' by s club 7. The phrases in French are;

Mon amour: my love

Pourqoui: why (for what reason)

Mon Chéri: my darling

Maman: mother

Grand-mere: grandmother

Je t'aime: I love you)

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	13. Chapter 13: Perfect fit

Chapter thirteen: perfect fit

The two sat in silence just enjoying each other's company. The peace was broken by Remus's logical side.

"We have to tell them," he said and he felt Sirius nodded next to him.

"Yea, I guess we do. Though James already knows," he gave a small chuckle at the memory of James walking in on them. " He helped me come up with a plan to get you alone y'know,"

"Really? Well then I guess we didn't give him to much of a shock. And Lily already knows too," he said getting lost in thought.

"Yea I know. I…well I went to her for help before I went to James." Sirius said a little embarrassed.

"You did?" Remus asked surprised. Sirius blushed and nodded.

"Yeah…um I have a question for you…how much of the Halloween party do you remember?" Sirius asked staring intently at the floor between his feet. Now it was Remus's turn to blush.

"Um, not much actually. I remember coming down and drinking the first bottle of firewhisky but after that, nothing. Why?" he asked looking at the other boy. Sirius could feel his inquiring gaze on him. He gave a small cough.

"Well…uh… ya see you got pretty…pissed and I found you in the Common Room. I guess everyone else had gone to bed. Anyway, I took you up to the dorm and…when I tucked you in you…uh…told me that you loved me and you wanted me to kiss you," he coughed again.

Remus went bright red.

"You mean…you knew? For over two months you knew! And you didn't say anything?" Sirius was taken back at the accusatory tone.

"Uh…yeah," he didn't know what else to say.

Remus growled.

"Why? Why didn't you say anything? "

"Well, at first I didn't know what to do! You know your little confession really screwed me up. I couldn't stop thinking about it…then I couldn't stop thinking about you. After I almost killed Beal in Quidditch because I was so bloody distracted James forced me to spill what was up…that's how he found out and after I talked to him I realized my true feelings for you." he said in a defensive tone.

Remus however was still upset.

"Oh so you have known for a little over one month without saying anything. That's so much better." He said sarcastically.

Now Sirius was getting angry.

"I wanted to make it special! And I know how much of a private person you are Moony and I didn't think proclaiming my love to you over breakfast would be very effective. Do you think I wanted to wait so long? I was doing it for you. To make you more comfortable!"

Remus looked shocked at first and then he hung his head looking like a puppy that had just wet the carpet.

"Your right. I am sorry Sirius. You were trying to be thoughtful I get it. It's just that I love you so much and to think that I could've had even more time with you…I dunno I'm a prat and I'm sorry."

Sirius's heart melted.

"It's okay. I know what you mean. If I could reach I would kick my own arse for not realizing my feelings sooner. But we still have the rest of our lives as it is…so back to the task at hand.

So…Lily and James know, my parents wont give a whit because I am dead to them as it is…what about yours?"

Remus gave a sadistic laugh

"Right, dear old maman and père, no they wont much care. It will just be another illness to add to the pile. And it doesn't matter, as soon as I graduate I am leaving anyway."

Sirius nodded thoughtfully.

"Well the rest of the school will find out in good time so I guess that leaves just one person…"

"Peter," they said together looking at each other.

Peter was lying on his stomach staring at the fire. He had been there for a while waiting for Remus and Sirius to come down. He had heard James's outburst and he knew exactly what he had walked in on.

He also knew that it would be only a matter of time before the pair sought him out to discuss their new relationship with him. that is why he was in the nearly deserted Common Room, its only other occupants besides the mousey boy was James who was sitting in an arm chair looking pale and Lily who was kneeling by the coffee table finishing up a last minuet advanced potions essay.

Just as Peter had predicted, minutes later Sirius and Remus entered the Common Room. He inspected them out of the corner of his eye. They seemed to be standing close together though seeming to be careful not to touch. Their hair was slightly disheveled, only noticeable to someone as observant as Peter, their clothes wrinkled, their lips and eyes slightly red and puffy and they were breathing harder than usual.

Sirius cleared his throat and he and Remus walked over the couch where they both sat. (_Still close together but not touching,_ Peter mused with a small smile) he turned his attention back to the fire to seem like he was unaware of a new development.

Sirius cleared his throat again but followed it with speech this time.

"Um, I and Remus have…an announcement to make. Some of you are aware of…certain changes in mine and Remus's relationship. (_He keeps saying his name. _Peter smirked to himself.) And well we would like to talk to you all about it."

"We know it might take some getting use to, but I don't think anything has to change between the five of us," Remus said taking over for his boyfriend. (_How cute! _Peter squealed forcing himself not to say it out loud.) " Sirius and I …well we…how do I put this-"

"Oh for cryin' out loud. Moony loves me and I love him and we're going to be together. Anyone have a problem with this?" Sirius blurted out glaring at the other three teenagers in the room.

"Of course not!" Lily gushed, looking positively giddy.

"Don't see why is should I s'pose," James muttered still looking shocked and disturbed. Remus and Sirius had really given him a start.

Peter flipped over on to his back and sat up. He looked intently at the two in front of him. Sirius glared in away that said even if Peter didn't agree it wouldn't stop him and Remus looked hopefully and almost pleadingly. _He needs the approval of those closest to him _Peter thought wisely.

He then looked at the other two faces in the room. Lily looked worried and James just looked sick. (He really didn't have a problem with his two mates loving each other and all he just didn't like being caught unawares like that.)

Peter chuckled mentally then looked at Remus and Sirius again placing a hard expression on his face. Sirius's glare intensified and Remus's face seem to fall.

"I say…" he started in a flat voice. Everyone in the room was hanging on his every word. "That is about bloody time. I was about to lock you to in a closet and not let you out until you admitted it."

Everyone's mouth fell open.

"Wha?" James said,

"You're okay with this?" Remus asked.

"You _knew?_" Lily asked incredulously. And Sirius just looked dumbfounded. Peter chuckled again but this time out loud.

"I knew you too had it bad for each other since third year, when Sirius spent countless hours in the library to figure out a way to make Moony's transformations more comfortable. I knew it had to be more then friendship to get Sirius Black to spend that much time in the library on his own accord." Peter stated smugly. Remus chuckled at that.

"I should've known something was up then too." He said grinning at the boy. "We give you far too little credit Peter."

Peter shrugged but on the inside he was ecstatic. He loved that he was being appreciated, especially by Remus. Though Peter idolized James, and wished to be Sirius, he had always respected Remus. He had a way that drew people to him despite his quite and shy demeanor and his 'furry little problem'.

"I'm just glad you're happy Moony. Though why you choose Padfoot I'll never know." He said shaking his head and laughing.

"Hey!" Sirius shouted indignantly. "Take that back, Wormtail."

Peter looked at Sirius defiantly. The two had a mini- staring contest until Remus pulled them out of it by lightly slapping Sirius's arm causing him to look away.

"I win!" Peter called triumphantly.

"No fair, Moony distracted me." Sirius pouted.

"I'll make up for it later," Remus said with a smirk and Sirius brightened up right away. "But first I wanted to ask you a few questions." He left off looking for Sirius's approval. When Sirius nodded he continued.

"How did you keep your cool? I mean you've never been one of patience and I had no idea you were into me…how did you do it?" Remus asked looking really interested. Sirius's cheeks burned and he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Well uh…-"he started but was cut off by the other two Marauders.

"He's not that good of an actor. You're just surprisingly thick." James commented. Remus looked at them in bewilderment.

"Yeah, Sirius almost lost it countless times." Peter added.

"Like at the Quidditch game. He was so busy watching you that he almost knocked himself out with his own bat-"

"Twice,"

"Then he sent a bludger straight into the teacher's stands," James and Peter broke out into wide grins at the memory. Sirius just groaned and hid his face in his hands.

"But you were so into your book that you didn't notice," Peter explained. Remus remembered that game he had been rather absorbed in his book for muggle studies. (_Macbeth _by Shakespeare.)

"And in class…"James left off and received a loud groan from his beet red friend.

"He was always doodling little hearts with your initials,"

"And Mr. Remus Lupin Black,"

"Or sometimes it was Mr. Sirius Black Lupin. Which I prefer,"

"But you were too involved in the lesson," the pair continued, receiving death glares from the dog Animagus. Then James flashed an evil grin.

"And that one time in the shower where he-" but he was cut off as Sirius tackled him sending the armchair, along with the both of them, toppling to the floor where Sirius had was lying fully on top of James. The former had his hand firmly placed over the latter's mouth and part of his nose cutting off his air supply.

Remus got up and walked over to his love and his friend.

"Not trying to make me jealous are we Siri?" he asked in a slightly amused voice. Sirius ignored him and pressed harder onto James's chest cutting off more of his air.

"Let him up, Padfoot." Remus said still amused. Sirius growled and pushed down even harder. Remus, getting rather fed up put a hand on Sirius's shoulder , not in a comforting- its- okay way but in a I-can-tear-your-arm-off-in-three-seconds-flat way.

Sirius gave another growled but pushed himself off the other boy succeeding in knocking whatever air was left in his lungs out. He smirked smugly as James gasped for air.

Lily walked over to her boyfriend and helped him right the chair and patted his arm comforting.

"You shouldn't tease him. Not in front of Remus like that," she scolded half-heartedly. Remus led his still angry mate back to the couch.

To try and ease the tension in the boy next to him Remus curled up against his side.

"You know, I like knowing that you were going as crazy as I was," he said calmly to the other boy. Sirius relaxed and looked down at the lighter boy.

"Really?" Remus nodded. "Well then maybe I will tell you about the shower incident when we are alone."

Remus chuckled.

"You better," he said in a mock serious tone and snuggled against his love. It was a perfect fit. He took a deep breath taking in Sirius's scent. He smelt like cinnamon, rain and something else, something that was just so Sirius. He loved it. It was his heart's desire.

There was silence as the two couples snuggled together and Peter stared at the fire. Then Lily broke the silence.

"What's that on your finger?" Lily asked Remus. Sirius paled as he realized what she was talking about. Remus on the other hand gave a small smile and held out his hand.

She almost fainted when Remus had shown her his gift from Sirius. But he did not tell her who it was from.

"Oh, Remus it's gorgeous," she gushed. Remus smiled. He felt absolutely giddy. He wanted to dance right then and there. But his dancing was horrible and he didn't want to ruin the moment by hurting someone.

"Glad you approve, Evans," Sirius said form beside Remus. Lily's eyes widen to the size of plates.

"Wait, _you _gave him this?" She asked incredulously to the boy. Sirius smirked.

"Yes I did." Lily's mouth dropped open. Sure she knew about Sirius's feelings about Remus but she didn't know if he was …well, serious and she surely didn't know that he was this thoughtful.

All of it was a little too much at the moment for our little Lily Evans and she promptly fainted.

After Lily's dramatic reaction James thought it would be best to get some fresh air. The two left followed closely by Peter, leaving the two love birds or canines as it were, alone.

Remus snuggled up against Sirius's side again, his feet up on the couch behind him. Sirius put on hand on the werewolf's shoulder and the other on his waist. The two enjoyed the other's presence and warmth. Remus smiled and a thought struck him.

"Hey Sirius,"

"Hmm,"

"You know what you said about me having four smiles,"

"Yeah?"

"You were wrong,"

"Oh?"

"Yes. I have five." He said matter-of-factly

"Oh really?" Sirius asked and Remus knew he had an eyebrow arched even without looking at him.

"Yup," Remus said and took another deep breath of Sirius's scent and smiled wider " My fifth smile is when I look at you,"

Remus felt Sirius go ridged as he heard these words. He looked up into his love's face. Sirius's eyes were brimming with unshed tears and he had a wide smile on his lips.

"Thank-you," he whispered before leaning down and placing a sound kiss on the werewolf's lips. Remus smiled against them and thought,

_Nothing will stop my love for you, because no one else will do. _


	14. Chapter 14: The Werewolf and the Dog Sta

Chapter fourteen: the Dog Star and the werewolf

Me and you, you and I

My body rooted to the ground

Yours able to fly

Like a grain of sand

Questing for a star

With all eternity in between

Is how my love for you seems

We are different you and I

As far apart as earth and sky

We can be like night and day

But without me you's fall, you say

You can hurt me with the moon

And love me with the sun

Through different we may be

It's clear to see

That one cannot last without the other

There's a balance between us

And eternal dance

That will last forever

But here's what we share, my mate

We both live in worlds of fear and hate

And it really doesn't matter

Whether it's the former or the latter

Just know

My precious beau

Be it day or night

Dark or light

Low or high

Live or die

Nothing will stop my love for you

Because no one else would do


End file.
